A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend is not interested in sex. I know it has nothing to do with me.This is just who he is. His previous relationships have had the same problem. One relationship ended because of it. I have no interest in breaking up with him as I am crazy about him. However thy being said, all attempts to get him in a mood prove fruitless. I put on a sexy jock strap trying to get him in the mood, and he purposely positions the sheets so that our bodies can't physically touch in bed. When I try to make out with him, he stops and says, "Oh look, let's keep watching the movie!" He gets annoyed when I try to make him feel good. And after having sex one night, I tried to finish him off and he said, "I'm not going to finish. I just felt bad for you so I opened up a little." I was kind of offended. It scares me because I feel like I'm not able to pleasure him. I have told him how I feel about it, and he responded angrily saying, "Stop asking about it. It's not you and I get tired of you trying all the time." The problem is I can't stop because I want to make him feel good. How do I approach a conversation with him about this so we can work it out.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 He's either asexual or he's gay and not dealing with it....
and it's NOT a reflection on you but I doubt this is going to be a long term relationship. SEX really is important in any adult relationship and settling for a man who is not sexually attracted to you and therefore not going to be sexual with you is not a full relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Unfortunately it sounds like he's asexual OP or may even be a confused straight guy.
Talk to him, let him know that intimacy is the cornerstone of any romantic relationship and if it's not going to be a regular part of yours you'll just have move on.
You can't make someone who is his way sexual OP and you can't make yourself not want intimacy.
I mean come on, he won't even make out.
One more talk then walk OP. You're just not sexually compatible. Your sexual needs and his don't match can you really see a future with a guy you can't get intimate with?
Don't waste too much time here OP, it'll be hard enough to get over him as it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): There is only one good way to start a conversation about it. That is to choose a time when you are both relaxed and wont be disturbed, obviously try not to talk about it directly after a failed attempt at sex because that wont go well. So just choose a time when hes feeling relaxed and then you have to go for it and initiate the conversation! Remember not to point blame, just tell him how you genuinely feel and listen to his response. REALLY listen to him and respect what he tells you even if you dont agree with him...otherwise it will only end in a fight.He may well be more comfortable with an emotional relationship and not want sex. That can happen for a number of reasons from low testosterone levels to previous sexual abuse. Only he knows why he is not interested in having sex. You will have to listen very closely to discover his reason but i am sure it has nothing to do with you personally. It sounds as if he has been this way for a long time. If you are crazy about him and have no desire to move on and he is adamant that he does not want sex, you will have to bury your desires and learn to accept that he is only interested in a platonic relationship. Otherwise you and he will begin to resent each other.I would find it difficult to be in a platonic relationship with a partner (unless illness was the cause) because mutual sexual attraction and sex, form part of any healthy relationship. If he is not responsive to your attempts to talk or be intimate, you have to be honest with yourself and decide if this is something you can accept long term or not because if you can not accept, you will not be truly happy with him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 December 2012):
Well it's not you, he's probably just asexual and there's not much you can do about it as far as I know. The thing is, you can't pleasure him and you'll probably have to live with that. He seems to be okay with it.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Sorry but I can't see this relationship lasting. Even though you are crazy about him your needs are not being met. This will end up being a big problem. All the best to you!!
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