A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dear Cupiders, I really wanted to get some unbiased input from you all. I'll really try to make a long story short. There is a lot of history between my bf and I. We were together for 1.5 years, broke up because he cheated and left me for another woman, and about 5 months ago got back together. Its obviously not as simple or clean cut as it sounds. Despite our history, I decided to forgive him and see if it could work. It took a lot for me to reach this point and trust him as you might imagine. Since we got back together, it was a rough start.We didn't see each that often and even broke up a month ago (his choice) because he didn't think he could give me what I wanted in a relationship and because of our past and how it might affect our future. So after that bump in the road and working it out and deciding we want to be with each other, our relationship has blossomed. We have been spending a lot more time together and had a weekend trip with just the two of us recently. I reached the point where I feel like I can trust him. And just so you know, I left the past in the past. Fast forward to last night, he tells me he decided on a whim to take a vacation to Hawaii over the weekend. I asked him who he was going with and he said alone. I was hurt because he had just brought up the idea of us taking a vacation there or someplace similar and here he plans a trip alone without even thinking of including me. When I began to get upset, he said I could join him but that he had to spent a lot of money because it was so last minute. I work 9-5 and can't take off at a moments notice. Even if I wanted to go, I can't.So here I am wondering a lot of things: did he really go alone, should I accept the way he treats me such as in this instance where he doesn't even consider including me until after the fact, and, given our past and my loss of trust (again). Is it unreasonable for me to be upset and is it an offense to break up over?Lastly, when he returns, I don't want to argue over this. I want him to respect me and include me as an important part of his life. Should I make demands and set my expectations?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): Sooooo....
You've talked about taking a vacation together, so instead of planning one in the future for both of you, he decides to book one last minute? Ok here's what happened. The trip was already booked when you were broken up/maybe when you were together, when you think about the cost of booking things last minute not just flights but also hotels it is alot.
This man has left you, broken up with you to cheat, and he's doing it again, and you let him! You keep taking him back so guess what, he'll continue to treat you like dirt!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): I'd listen to that voice inside your head & move on. He sounds extremely selfish. You're in a committed relationship, that normally means you plan & do things (such as vacations together). It sounds like he offered you to go along, knowing you couldn't. I wouldn't trust him, he already proved he can't be trusted. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 January 2013):
 You write: "Lastly, when he returns, I don't want to argue over this. I want him to respect me and include me as an important part of his life. Should I make demands and set my expectations?..."
I wouldn't bother "arguing over this." When he returns, you simply say to him, "It's over. It was nice knowing you." Short and simple. You REALLY have nothing more to say to him. His recent behaviour has cemented it that there is - possible never was - any "relationship" between the two of you....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Hawaii alone? At the last minute? OH HELL NO, I would not believe he's alone for a minute.
And he offered you a chance to come KNOWING you could not make it to make himself look honest.
I bet when he's there you can't get a hold of him on his phone.... maybe a text now and then but no voice... and I bet he's not alone.
If I had a man who cheated and lied to me in the past even if I trusted him now this would send up RED FLAGS for me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Who goes to Hawaii for the week-end alone? Unless he is a surfing enthusiast or he just REALLY needed break, I just don't see it. But then again I don't know your guy. Is this common for him?
And I agree with the anon writer - He didn't want you along. That is why he told you so last minute.
Would I break up if I were you? Over a week-end away? No, I've been married for 15 years and we are NOT joined at the hip. People NEED a little personal space here and there. Obviously if he DID go alone, he NEEDED a little space.
Should you make demands? What is this ? A relationship or a hostage negotiation?
No, but you should sit him down and talk. Talk about what you BOTH need/want from each other in order to make it work. See if you two ACTUALLY can make this work or if you two are just hanging on for the sake of familiarity.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I would be suspicious, why Hawaii alone? Is he visiting friends/family? Why now to go away? You will have to see what he is like when he gets back I suppose...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 January 2013):
Sometimes people need to just get away and have some alone time; that's no reason to break up with them. My wife just went to see her sister in Switzerland by herself, leaving the kids and I at home for 3 weeks. I'm going alone to visit my brother and sister in law in Thailand soon.
Not only did neither one of us bat an eye at the idea, we're both exited for each other.
I'm sure he thought about including you but he probably knew that there was no way you could go, maybe he didn't have enough money to pay for you, or, like I said he wanted to go alone.
Also if you worked through your trust issues then you should be asking yourself why you think he may be with someone else.
I think not only is this no reason to break up with him but you're being very critical and unsupportive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): You can make demands all you want, doesn't mean he will take them seriously beyond lip service. In a normal relationship I would say that a person should be able to go on vacation alone without their partner especially if money is an issue. You do not own your partner. And people still need alone time even when in a relationship or marriage.But since your relationship has been so rocky, the trust is always hanging by a thread so that there's very little room for tolerance as there would be in a normal relationship not stained by mistrust and resentments. I think if you really want to make this work you can't give up so easily. On the other hand if you are already so worn down that you cant tolerate anything new that he might throw at you then maybe it's a sign that this relationship just isn't meant to be and you should just part ways gracefully and look for a fresh start with a new guy as a clean slate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Hi, I dont think he wanted you to come because he chose to tell you last minute, invited you knowing that it was too late for you to join him. THis would be enough for me to tell him to get lost knowing his infidelity and the turbulent nature of the relationship. He also knows he can treat you any way he pleases and you will always come back to him.
Its times to to move on as this man has not respect nor love for you. You are convenient when he has no one else to have sex with.
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