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female
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anonymous
writes: Please help, I am a horrible person. My boyfriend has been quite cruel verbally/ mentaly for the past couple of months, but I love him dearly. But I went out and slept with one of my freinds. Its tearing me up inside. What should I do. I know I have done wrong, but i need help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): I would say it depends on the bond within your relationship. The same thing happened to me, but I was the one who was abusing and my wife had an affair. For us, this was a HUGE wake up call that we needed to communicate better and be more understanding of how our actions affect the other. Marriage counseling has helped us. I still have somewhat of a temper and the affair still haunts our memories, but with love and commitment to our marriage - we have a stronger, more open relationship than in the past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): You both screwed up. Initially, your boyfriend had no right to treat you this way-illness or not. You both are behaving badly and I question your comment that you 'love him, dearly?' No you don't, hun-people who love and cherish, don't do this to each other. It's obvious that no clear relationship boundries are in place with you both. I really think both of may have been more in love with the 'idea' of loving each other and that's it. He's verbally abused you, which should never have happened. Then you retaliate and cheat because you are pissed off, which should never have happened. Love teaches one to become a better human being. This hasn't happened with you both. Frankly, I would leave this relationship and call it a day. In future relationships, just remember you don't have to tolerate any type of poor treatment. Always nip this issue in the bud right off the start, by setting clear boundries with any person you become involved with.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 February 2006):
 You need to let this go. You are not ahorrible person, you are a person who made a mistake. Forgive yourself and let the past be the past. Move on...x
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (21 February 2006):
 I kind of agree with both posts here. You shouldn't except your boyfriends behaviour and you shouldn't torture yourself too much for what happenend. At the end of the day wanting to feel wanted and have somebody treat you right is not a sin. Your b/f has to take alot of responsibility for what happened even though you did it because he has treated you so badly.
If, as seems the case, you want to save the relationship then Andy is right. You need to sit him down and talk to him. During this you maybe better advised to not tell him you slept with somebody else as that is going to cause alot of complications, however on that you have to go with what you feel is right for you.
He does need to be made aware of how his actions are making you feel and be given the chance to change however ultimately you have to be prepared to leave the relationship for your own good. You do deserve better. Hope that helps, take care.
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A
male
reader, Andy J +, writes (21 February 2006):
 My advice for you on this one is to sit him down and talk to him and just ask him why he's being like this, and wait for his answers then just tell him to stop acting like he his. I've just come out of a 2 and a half year relationship and sometimes i wasent the nicest person to my fiance, but i regret it more than anything in the world. You just need to talk to him and put him straight!
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