A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been living with my boy f for about 7 months. His ten year old son lives with us also and his two girls stay over once a week. We have been together for about 18mths. I knew if i moved in with him his son would live with us - and although i admit it is sometimes hard going - adjustment for both of us - i do my very best and love them both to bits. His son is good as gold and loves me to bits i would do anything for either of them - i am just struggling with how he sees me in this role.I work full time - and he works shifts - three on four off - days and nights on rotation - so for three nights every other week i am at home with his son. It is fine and i do so much for both. i do school runs occassionally, 90% of house work, help with homework, share financial commitments, and obviously time with the kids.his son will not stay with his mum for various reasons - and i have to ask my boy f to make time for the two of us - not diff if you only work three a week? The thing is he seems to resent me asking - even though he said in the first instance his parents and sister had offered to have his son at least a couple of nights a month to give us time to work on our relationship - very important to provide a happy stable home?But he gets funny with me - i arrange my life around him and shift patterns but have said i do not find it acceptable for him to swop days for nights just because he doesnt like working days - this puts the onous onto me with being at home. I just feel as though he does not always realise his responsibilities - he had lived at a mates house for four years after his divorce and had become used to living on his own. I have said that just VERY occassionaly i would like a night in the house on my own when he is on nights and that it is important we have time out on our own, too - as well as making time for all three of us.I am getting fed up with his expectations of me - I do not mind at all as i took this on - but just feel he needs to realise i am not a mother or house wife and that it is him who cannot always do as he pleases - his son also does not like him working nights.Am i being unreasonable? it is all so new to me - friends in similar situations say that i am quite right to put my foot down and request time out and should not be expected to shoulder the responsibility because he prefers nights to days? He is 39 yrs old.
View related questions:
divorce, his ex, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 January 2007):
 I don't think you're being unreasonable. If he works three days a week I would start gently by asking him to do the school runs and cook dinner on the days that you're working only. Don't say it's cos its his son or anything like that, just ask him to do it to help you out. It sounds to me like he went straight from mummy's house to having a wife to having a serious girlfriend so he's probably used to being looked after by women and will need it training out of him.You sound desperate enough to see two days less responsibility as a complete god send but in time you can encourage him to do more. If this doesn't work volunteer yourselves to go on wife swap :) I'm sure some chavvy woman can make him realise how lucky he is to have you!
CD
|
