A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My long term bf has found out Ive been harmlessly flirting with guys on tinder without wanting to meet them. It was just harmless. We had a bust up over me going on dating sites and we were broken up for for a month. I never wanted anybody else. How can I make him see and convince him he's the one and only?
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female
reader, Lana102  +, writes (6 October 2015):
This is one of the funniest posts I've ever read. You intentionally go on dating sites but wonder why he had busted up with you?
A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 You ask: "How can I make him see and convince him he's the one and only?" You can by your actions. Unfortunately your actions on Tinder have only shown him the opposite of what you stated.Maybe you should take some time to think about WHY you find the need to go on to Tinder and 'harmlessly' flirt with guys there. Are you wanting more attention than what your BF is able to provide? Once you find out why you choose to focus your attention on guys on Tinder and not your BF, then I think you will know what to do.And if you really honestly want to let your BF know how much you love him, start by closing your Tinder account and never going on dating sites anymore. Then give him time... hopefully time will heal and he will forgive you and give you another chance.Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2015):
 When you write: ".... I've been harmlessly flirting with guys on tinder...." you pinpoint yourself as one who doesn't much give a damn about your B/F's feelings..... IF you do something that you can't do RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR B/F (such as this flirting).... then you are compromising the loyalty which is an important linchpin in a solid "relationship."
As long as you are "harmlessly flirting with guys on tinder..." then you are subverting any REAL "relationship" that you hope to have with a guy....
Good luck..
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (11 June 2015):
 I don't think that you can convince him with words because your deeds convinced him otherwise. Forgiveness is now his, not yours. He may or may not get back with you but be assured that no flirting is harmless, single or not. Idk the extent of your flirting, but seems to me that whatever you did has passed his boundaries of tolerance, therefore it wasn't harmless. In fact, if you thought it was harmless to begin with, then you probably did not know your BF and his loyalty thresholds. You may want to know these with your next guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): He is far from perfect for you otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did TWICE. Or was it that you was only caught twice?
Your relationship sounds over and of you got back he won't trust you anymore. Forget getting back and learn to manage your selfish and immature impulses before anything else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 June 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
"Harmless" flirting wasn't so harmless in his eyes. And I BET you, that if the shoe had been on the other foot and HE was "harmlessly flirting" with other girls YOU would not be a happy camper either. Don't play coy.
LEARN from this. There is such a thing as behaving with integrity in a relationship.
If your EX don't want you back, you have only one choice, to accept it, and accept that YOUR behavior is the reason he broke up. So you can EITHER keep doing what you are doing with your whole..... "harmless flirting" OR you can realize that there is no such thing as "harmless flirting" on an app with random STRANGERS while IN a relationship.
Time to grow up, girlie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): I wonder if you would have felt the same way of your bf had been going on dating sites and flirting with women. Would you be saying "Yeah, cool, it's harmless fun, carry on" I think not.
He doesn't trust you; that's why he broke up with you. If you really want him back (for all the right reasons) then you have to take some responsibility, accept you made a mistake and broke his trust and then try and regain it (if possible).
If on the other hand you want to carry on flirting on dating sites then I suggest you remain single.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 By not seeking, and being receptive to, the attentions of other men.
Your actions should CLEARLY match your intentions. No one should be put in the position of having to guess and hope for the best when making a huge investment.
Your boyfriend isn't prepared to take any more chances with someone he can't trust to use common sense. If you're going to lead yourself into temptation it's probably best you remain single so it won't impact anyone else.
Time for some self reflection. Consider this a lesson learned and move on. I think your ex is done here.
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