A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My b/f and I have been living together for almost a year. During this time, I've come to realize how many differences we have. For one, he came from a military family. His father was mean and abusive as a way to "toughen" him up and make him a man. As a result, he tends to not be very affectionate with me, and orders me around, sometimes speaks coldly to me. This hurts my feelings because I came from a very loving, affectionate family and so I feel like our backgrounds are colliding. My b/f says I'm spoiled, simply because I want him to stop barking orders at me and criticizing everything I don't do perfectly. I think he's kind of cold-hearted at times. Most of the time, we get along great. He can be warm and loving sometimes, but he's also distant and almost cold at times too, showing me little or no affection and sometimes we go weeks without having sex. I sometimes think he does it on purpose to "toughen me up"....all it does is make me feel unappreciated and unloved. How do we deal with our differencs and keep the relationship together?
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. Have an in depth discussion with him about it and come to a solution together. Maybe he doesn't realise what an effect his actions are having on you. Explain to him that you want him to be more affectionate and tell him that sometimes you feel unappreciated.I'm sure he loves you and doesn't want you to feel this way so you telling him should make him realise that he has to change his attitude towards you. And no, you are not spoiled just because you want affection. Wanting affection is completely normal. You don't need "toughening up." Let him know that you are in a relationship and not in the army so he should act accordingly. Tell him that you are not used to cold treatment and being ordered around and it is not something that you want to get used to. Make him understand that you will not allow him to treat you this way. He should change his ways for the better if he really wants you to be happy. And I'm sure he will. Best wishes
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