A
female
age
36-40,
*en1986
writes:I am dating the greatest guy, he's 30 and im 26. We've been together for about 5 months now and recently had sex for the first time. He was a virgin (im was not) so it was something very special for him. He loves foreplay and is wonderful with his hands, he also had no problem going down on me. It doesnt take him much effort at all to make me orgasm. He says he like me to be really wet when we have sex. When we do it, for me its great. He gets me so worked up with foreplay sometimes I get off twice. He never comes inside me though, we always use condoms. He only comes when i give him head, i love doing it for him and would do anything to please him, I just wish i could feel him cum inside me, i want to share that experience with him. I asked him about it and he said this is his first serious relationship, i was his first for everything (sex, oral sex, even kissing) and hes just wants everything perfect. He focuses so much on me and my needs by the time i try to take care of him hes tired or he feels sensitive. I just want to please him 100% and show him how wonderful sex can be when we're in love. How can I get him to understand we are partners and his pleasure is just as important. How can i help him just let go and have fun with me? I could care less about orgasms, i just love being with him and making him happy. Ive told him this and i mean it. He has my heart and i just want to give him all the pleasure i possibly can. im sorry i wrote so much, i just get so emotional when it comes to making him happy. Does anyone understand what im going through??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): A form of insecurity?He is a 30 year old virgin. You are not at 25. Could he be feeling pressured to have to measure up to the endless parade of guys that came before? What parade you ask? The one that maybe exists in his minds at times when he is not sure if he is good enough.Insecurity sucks and getting over it isn't easy. It doesn't have to be there all the time. Just that if your partner is obviously more experienced you don't want to disappoint so he goes overboard and is chalking up points scored rather then making love with you. He is not just in this relationship with you, he is in it with the entire rest of the world where for example this week a study came out that showed women are more in love with guys with big dicks.Studies like that come out all the time but how would YOU have reacted as a virgin with average boobs to a study that showed guys love girls more if they had big boobs. You are saying one thing, the media says another, and he doesn't yet know that in a relationship, only your partners opinion really matters.You love him. Tell him. Man style. No hints, no subtlety, just tell him. Tell him you ain't a game console, he doesn't need to score a 100% every game, that this is a coop game and there are no winners or losers.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 It sounds like you have a very sensitive and caring boyfriend. Compared to what many women complain about on this site, I think you've got a keeper.
The fact that he is going so long can prevent him from "finishing" It is one of those things that guys have a problem with. Also the fact that you are using a condom, could prevent him from reaching climax because a condom cuts down on the sensitivity he feels.
I think the key component here is that you need to communicate to him your needs and desires as well. Tell him it is okay to have quickies that focuses on him.
Also do not assume he isn't have a good time in the bedroom. Just because he isn't finishing in the traditional way, doesn't mean he isn't happy.
I think in time, you will form a pattern -- sex is still new to him and he's learning how to please you -- and himself. Trust me, he is probably enjoying every second of your activities.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): You both sound like a loving and caring couple and I can relate to your story because I was like your boyfriend in most ways. I don't know if its society that puts pressure us as men to give our women what they need or want or if it is the fear that I could lose my girlfriend to another man that can do better than me. Myself like your boyfriend love our women dearly. I give her everything plus in bed and go down on her and put her into orbit. But probably like your boyfriend get a deep satisfaction from seeing our partners happy and are willing to put our needs on the back-burner at times or a lot of times. Call it the martyr symptom. We addressed my problem together finally and share our love making by alternating giving pleasure to each other. Start off with intercourse then oral and so forth and so forth. After all is said and done she is happy completely and I have thrown away the martyr symptom and I feel really great also. But you have to be patient with us guys, sometimes it just takes a little longer for us. But communication with a soft touch and soft voice gets us on the straight track. Good-luck, I hope I have helped some. Sorry for the long answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): OP he's just at the stage of being as good has he can be to impress you, what did you expect from a 30 year old virgin? Just be patient and enjoy it OP, he'll calm down once he gets the hang of things, is confident in his abilities and feels okay about taking aswell as giving.
Try not to be so impatient with him OP, you remember what it was like when you first had a sexual relationship. It takes a while to get into the flow of things.
You have a man here who is very eager to please you, is good at it and gets a hell of a lot of joy out of being that way and you somehow are dying for him to not be that way?
He's loving things this way, enjoy it with him. Pretty soon he'll be more comfortable that he's giving enough to you allow himself to take too.
Sounds like you have a good guy here OP, try not to assume that he doesn't get an immense pleasure from pleasing you OP. I love giving head far more than I love receiving it. Being able to give a woman orgasms regularly and frequently, is possibly the most 'manly', awesome feeling sexually. Don't underestimate how good it feels to have the power to make a woman cum. Our orgasm lasts a few seconds on average, you really think thy're the only few seconds we get any pleasure? Come on OP, we feel pleasure all the way through, just like you do.
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