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female
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anonymous
writes: OK so in trying to do some research on how others may have handled this situation, I came across this site. Seems like a good outlet for someone like myself so I figured I would try... To get right to it, me (28) and my boyfriend (31) of 4 months, who is asolutely THE ONE and he says the same of me have taken an indefinite break; I hate to say break-up...its too final. Anyways, although 4 months is not a long time - we are absolutely crazy about each other and pictured nothing but marriage and kids within the next month. When you find THE ONE you know, right? Right! The reason for the break...6 weeks ago my boyfrend had a work outing that led to LOTS of drinking. After the outing, everyone went back to one of the guys house and continued the party. My boyfriend remembers going to this house, and then waking up the next day. A couple of weeks later, a girl who works where he does (in another dept) starts "joking around" with him saying that they had sex that night. Although he admits to flirtng with her (which is nothing unusual as that is his personality) he DOESN'T remember sleeping with her. He is not the cheatng kind, has never done so and thinks guys who do are complete jerks. Well turns out this co-worker, who is going through a divorce claims she is pregnant and that it is definitely my boyfriends. He is absolutely devastated and doesn't know what to do. A few days after getting this news he breaks up with me - or says he needs a break but doesn't say why. I, of course, was completely floored and had no idea what just happened. After a day and a half of respecting his request for some space I emailed him and asked him to please give me an explanation, that no matter what he can trust me to tell me and we can work through this together. The next morning he calls and explains everything, which I know was really difficult. I tell him that I support him, and as painful as things might get we can do this together. He is relieved and we re-connect beautifully. Only a few days of that last before his disgust for himself and not wanting me to go through the next nine months of this expected hell get the best of him. He says he can't do both things right no - dealing with this girl and her preganancy (now confirmed by the doc) and trying to make our relationship move forward like we want. I am devastated beyond belief right now because I am obviously heartbroken and I feel that between her and him I have no control over my relationship. She refuses to get a blood test to check the validity of her claim. She intends to keep the baby, and wants my boyfriend a part of the process. She also claims that she wants to get to know my boyfriend, apparently for the sake of raising the impending child. She say too that she doesn't want him to hate her, and she doesn't want to cause a rift between me and my boyfriend. Its absolutely the worst situation ever. His weakness is children and he cannot wait to have some with me someday. He is very noble and resposible, so until he knows for sure the baby isn't his (which no one will know until the child is born) he is taking responsibility. Last night I went to pick up my stuff at his house and it was just so painful for the both of us. He was so distraught, as was I. It's not something he wants to do - it's something he feels he needs to do. I told him I am not going anywhere - and he said don't say that I could never expect you to wait. I can't see it going any other way. I am hoping time will make him see we can do this. He had crazy thoughts through this like he felt like he owed it to her in a way to try to be with her - even though he loves me and wants to marry me.HELP! ADVICE!
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female
reader, pica +, writes (21 August 2006):
Sorry, but you had been seeing him for 2 months & he slept with someone else? Blame the drink or the woman if you like, but he still did it and truth is you wouldn't have found out if the pregnancy hadn't happened. So they didn't use contraception either, putting other partners at risk of STD. I know you don't want to hear this but cut your losses. You've not been with him for long really and sorry, but if he really believed you were 'the one' would he have gone off with her?? Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Sorry, but you had been seeing him for 2 months & he slept with someone else? Blame the drink or the woman if you like, but he still did it and truth is you wouldn't have found out if the pregnancy hadn't happened. So they didn't use contraception either, putting other partners at risk of STD. I know you don't want to hear this but cut your losses. You've not been with him for long really and sorry, but if he really believed you were 'the one' would he have gone off with her?? Good luck.
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