| A
female
,
*oz
writes: Hi, Wonder if you can give me some advice. My boyfriend of 1 year already had a girlfriend when I met him. After 2 months things got serious with us and we started getting feelings for each other and spending every spare minute with each other. He lives with his girlfriend but says it's only because he has nowhere else to go, which is true cuz I live with my parents. He is 29 and I am 19. He doesn't have kids with her so doesn't have any ties with her. I love him more than anything but want so much more from him. He always says he is so happy with me and I'm what he needs in his life. I'm stuck. Helllp!
View related questions:
live with my parents Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 I imagine he IS happy with you in his life. Just picture it: a longterm relationship with a girlfriend he loves enough to make a home with... then a bit on the side as well! Someone young enough and naive enough to believe that she's really the girlfriend he wants, and to stick around and put up with this bullsh*t.
I'm sorry that I rubbed your nose it in just now, but I did it to wake you up.
This man is old enough to know what he's doing, and he's abusing your trust and using you. He's also lying about wanting to end it with his girlfriend because he likes having two regular sex partners.
My gut instinct on this is that it's going nowhere fast. If you really have the strength to look past the lies and selfishness he's already inflicted on you, then you can stick up for yourself. Say "Either choose me, or choose her, because you're not going to have both of us any longer." The only problem with an ultimatum is that you need to follow through on it, if he chooses her.
If it were me, I'd leave Casanova to his supposedly-loveless relationship with his girlfriend. If he's not smart enough or independant enough to move out of their house, then you don't want him anyway.
But you might want to try making your point, if you feel you can abide his decision. Just remember one last point, even if you "win" his affections away from her, bear in mind that he had no qualms at all about cheating on a longterm girlfriend who he was living with, so he might also cheat on you!
A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 Well, just because you live with your parents, that doesn't mean he can't leave his girlfriend, does it? People do live alone you know. It sounds to me as if he's stringing you along a bit - I mean, you call him your boyfriend, but he's really not; he's already got a girlfriend, so you're more his bit on the side. I don't mean to sound too harsh, but why have you put up with this for a year? Are you happy to think that he goes home after seeing you and goes to bed with another woman?
You know you want more - I think it's time to DEMAND more. If he truly respects you, he will understand that however hard it is financially or logistically, he needs to show his commitment by finding his own place and breaking up with his girlfriend. If I were you, I'd tell him that you're not going to do anything with him (in the rude department, I mean) until he's taken steps to sort his life out. I know this is a scary thing to do, but realistically it's going to have to happen at some point, you can't carry on like this forever.
...............................
|
