A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so, this isn't really a relationship question, it's more of a best friend situation. I've known my best friend for a year and a half now and we've been really close since we met. Today he came out and told me he is gay. I am most certainly not anti-gay at all but it did make me feel nervous, shocked, and I guess I dont' really know how I feel about it. I Really love him as a person and I know our friendship won't change but how do I get over feeling squemish everytime i think about it. when we hang out its fine like old times, but then it pops into my brain and i get nervous (i dont show him that though) I'm honored that he felt comfortable enough to tell me and it only shows how strong our friendship is. I would love to continue being his best friend and i'm not worried that that is going to change. i'm just worried that i'm never going to stop feeling sqemish when he bring up a hott guy he met, or has a boyfriend. how do i handle this. I guess its just weird adjusting to seeing him in a new light.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I don't think it sounds anti-gay in the LEAST, sweetheart.
I am the girl you will find at all the rallies, getting signatures on petitions and speaking out for the GLBT community. I am an über supporter, or a "straight ally" as I am usually referred to. Anyway, I do know that it takes people time to adjust to the news - that is a perfectly normal thing to need to do. Just like when a best friend of mine for years told me, "hey, I'm changing my name. Legally". We were all pretty shocked when she told us at first. It took some time to adjust to her new identity. It felt extremely, extremely weird from calling her "Caroline" to "Alethea". Calling her something new felt so awkward... seriously, it took like a year and a half for me to get entirely comfortable calling her and thinking about her as "Alethea"... but now I adore my best friend Allie. Now she seems worlds happier and so more herself - she came out to the world as "Allie" and we loved her through her transition into becoming that person in everyone else's eyes.
What matters is that despite the fact that you are having a difficult time finding a reaction, the bottom line is that you still love and support your best friend at the end of the day. It sounds like that is exactly what you are doing. Eventually this will just be who he is to you and the awkwardness will fade. Like "Tuyen" says, you should ask any questions you have. It will probably bring you closer!
You will adjust. Just keep on being his friend, and eventually you will get comfortable and not squeamish. Just because the new information makes you feel weird doesn't make you anti-gay, sweetheart. It is normal to feel weird about big changes. Just keep your eyes on the prize (which is a rewarding, stronger and awesome friendship) and keep being supportive of your buddy. He is lucky to have a friend like you. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): My best friend is gay also. It didn't make a difference to me- I was shocked at first because I didn't expect it, but if he just told you on the day that you posted this, it may still be sinking in. I would want my best friend to be happy and feel accepted no matter what choices he makes about who to be involved with.. if he is just coming out now, I am sure he needs your love and acceptance alot right now. Things will settle in, I am sure. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tuyen  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Hi thanks for your question.
Firstly let me ask you a question. If he didn't tell you he was gay, you two would carry on as normal and be best friends right? So the next time you think about it and it makes you squeamish- just remember, being gay doesn't change who he is as a person and as a friend.
Of course, this will take a little time to get used to, but the main thing is that you accept who he is. He must trust you alot because it's hard to tell someone this kind of thing.
You say that you get nervous. Most people feel nervous when in a new situation, but over time they get used to it and eventually the nerves fade away.
Perhaps to get over these feelings you should ask him questions like "what type of guy do you like" or "how long have you known you've been gay" and once he talks to you about it - yes it may feel weird - but soon it won't faze you anymore because you talk about it and by asking him questions, you will understand him more and maybe you two will become even better friends.
I hope this helped you.
Tuyen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): kinda sounds pretty anti gay to me!
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