A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a big problem! My best friend likes the guy I've been secretly dating for a few weeks. Tonight we decided we can't hide it from her anymore but we have no idea how to break it to her. She is going to be so heart broken. I feel like she's gone through a lot of friends that have betrayed her and I don't want to be that person. I obviously care a lot about her and so does he because we don't want to ruin things between the three of us. Also, I am leaving for school in a few weeks but he is staying here with her and I thought maybe it would be a good idea to wait until I go back to school to even mention anything to see if the long distance relationship is even worth it.I just feel like there's a lot of secrets going on and I really hate it. How do we tell our friend that we are going to date each other and try to keep our friendship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Congrats, i am so glad it all worked out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood news! She was so understanding! She said she had already suspected something was going on and knew that it was going to be a challenge to break the news so she wasn't angry at all. I guess I'm really lucky to have a great friend and a great boyfriend!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Firstly, you should have been honest from the beginning, because she is going to feel betrayed, if not by the fact that you two are together, but because you kept it from her. You haven't said whether you knew she liked him before you two started dating. Either way, be honest with her, you and your boyfriend should sit down with her and tell her honestly and respectfully that you are together. That you never wanted to hurt her, but that you want to be together. Be prepared for her to be hurt, angry and upset. Unfortunately there is no real way to tell her without hurting her, you are way beyond that point now, but if you be honest and show her that you respect her feelings and can allow her to feel hurt and betrayed without making her feel like she was the one who betrayed you by not reacting the way you hope, your friendship could survive. I have seen this situation before, what I have noticed and experienced, is that the person in your situation will tell the one in your friend's that this happened and when the one in your friend's position gets hurt, angry and upset, the one in your position will get defensive and start carrying on like they have been betrayed by the one who is feeling hurt, because they dared to be hurt. Don't do that, because if you turn around and say "your my best friend and should be happy for me, how could you be this way with me?" she will hate you, because you betrayed her and now making her out to be the bad guy in the situation. Just tell her you know that you have hurt and betrayed her trust in this matter, that you never meant to and her friendship does mean a lot to you, and treat her with respect. That's all you can do. good luck with it all
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