A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here is my problem and I know there is nothing i can do about it however it burns me everytime.There was a girl as friend in my life that all the guys wanted, well, to be more specific, me and my bestfriend. I know he liked her for a very longtime however over the years, her and I became extremely close. Once we were at a party and we ended up kissing and nothing more. Things were starting to progress and then all of sudden, things ended. A couple of years later, my best friend ends up marrying this girl. She is not obviously happy and they have many complications however her and I still are close. Once day we were speaking and I found out that the only reason she ended things was because my former bestfriend told her that I was bragging and this was just another notch on my belt.This was the double end sword! Countless times I have backed off women because he was interested and this was the pay back. In addition, she was the one for me. Between her and I, it goes beyond $, looks, etc....its an actual personal connection.They have two kids now so I know there isn't much but I am very bitter towards the situation plus he gets extremely jealous when I speak to her. Behind my back he calls me her "boyfriend".What to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): You're right. You can't do anything. If you care about this woman, as you state you do, you will sit back and try your best to stay out of their marriage problems. If the marriage is shaky, and there are children involved...it may be a long time before any 'resolve' either way is accomplished with this union. My suggestion is for you to 'disconnect' as much as you can from their personal marriage issues, because I get the feeling you are pinning some hopes on this marriage imploding and you will be the one to go charging in on your white horse., tosave the day for this woman. That is fantasy. The reality is...a bad marriage with children involved is a highly volatile, dysfunctional situation and both of these people need the space to work out their differences, so they can possibly make a happy, intact family situation for their kids. The kids will take priority...always. So believe me when I say, they will keep trying. This marriage problem may drag on for years. So in the meantime, what will you do...sit, hope, wait and pine away. No, get over her and get out and live your own life. The only way you can do that, is to slow contact down to a trickle. Do this for 'your' happiness and no one else's.
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