A
male
age
51-59,
*nlovewithastraightguy
writes:I am in love with my straight friendHe is an older married man that I have worked with for 13 years and we have become best friends, I am in my late 30s and he is about 20 years older than me but from how great of a guy he is and the fact that he is very good looking I have developed a big time crush on him, but in conversations he has expressed not being a fan of gay people and that he thinks it is wrong.Here is where things become difficult, I work in a shop where guys will clown around about being gay with comments like hey sexy or you know you want a piece of this and for the most part you can tell the ones that are clowning around, but my friend has always been very hands on with me hand on a shoulder and has no issues giving me a hug from time to time, I am a big guy and he refers to me as his big teddy bear or sometimes sweetie.Having this crush borderline obsession is so tough that sometimes I try to push him away by coming into work and being stand offish with him, he always assumes I am just in a bad mood and just keeps pushing until he gets a smile out of me(this by the way is one of the biggest reasons for the crush). So when this doesn't work I tell him hey with me being single, guys around the shop say things about how close of friends we are and he just responds I don't care what people think and it is not like we are gays(with a demeaning tone on the word gays as if to say not one of them).So I took a huge leap last week, with him suggesting he does not like gay people, I started the conversation by saying if you knew things about me we would not be friends in attempt to get him to push for more info and he did by asking why, to which I responded I can't tell you but you would have to be blind not to know, I could tell he knew and he just kept pushing until I told him I was gay. His response was it does not change a thing that I was still his best friend.So now I am confused for a couple of days I thought it worked he was less affectionate and I did not get the big teddy bear name, but it did not last he has gone right back to being hands on and today when I came into work he said there is my sweetie.It kills me to have this crush on him but I think it would hurt more if I told him we can not be friends am I fooling myself and reading into things that just are not there. What should I do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Well, I guess you know now he doesn't hate gays, that he is in fact bisexual and willing to cheat on his wife. Please do her a favor, use condoms for oral and anal sex.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, inlovewithastraightguy +, writes (6 March 2013):
inlovewithastraightguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to write back and say the relationship has become intimate. Took some time but he finally asked if I would be interested in taking it further between us and I told him yes. No need for details other than to say things have been great. I don't have expectations of him ever leaving his wife we have just become two friends that have sex from time to time and I am happy with that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 December 2012):
Okay, I'm working to understand this. You've just told your best friend, someone you've known for 13 years that you are gay? And it sounds as though this was a surprise to him? If you were such great friends and so close, wouldn't he know that already, after, say, the first year of being so close?
I'm sorry, but I think you have a big crush on a guy you would like to be closer to and have created a situation where you have expectations that are unrealistic.
1. he's married. Not that this guarantees anything but if he's close to 60, um, he's pretty well settled.
2. he's not a fan of gay people and makes inappropriate and prejudiced comments. Um, so, um, okay, he's not a fan of gay people. And he thinks that being gay is wrong. Um. ???
I think you are reading into this. He's not your best friend. He's a co-worker whose actions seem to indicate he's doing his best to keep you happy and complacent.
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A
male
reader, inlovewithastraightguy +, writes (21 December 2012):
inlovewithastraightguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok being that I am not the patient type I took it a step further today, I told him I had feelings for him and he gave a big hug and said he was not going anywhere well accept for vacation with his wife for the next few weeks, but there is no doubt he is interested to what extent i don't know but will add to the post if it does go somewhere
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 December 2012):
 He is married and he has made comments in the past. I think he probably knew you were gay but didn't want to believe it. It really is up to you what you do here. You either pain yourself by having this crush all the time and being around him or else you come clean to him and tell him how you feel. Yes it might lose the friendship but it can be really hard to be friends with someone when you want more, it is very difficult.
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