A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend that I've known since high school 10th grade. We used to always hang at her house and we've been to the mall ONCE out of our entire friendship. Whenever I call her up and say, "let's hang out or go to a restaurant" she always come up with an excuse as to why she cannot go with me. She goes to events with other people but just not with me. I don't know what it is but I really don't have many friends and i always hang by myself. It's getting kind of old always trying to utilize my time in a library all the time. I'm not sure if it's competition and she is insecure around me (people say that I look like a model) or if she just doesn't think that I am fun to be around. I talk to my mom about this and she tells me that I am not "all that"...so I don't know what it could be. (my mom doesn't do much for my self esteem)..Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Her perceptions of you have changed.
It could be something you did or said or did not do or said.
The chemistry is no more there and it is time to discard the old for the new.
Time and tide waits for no man.
Let her go..
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 April 2008):
 If she doesn't like hanging out then find a new friend, what's the big deal? People change and friends come and go, just remember you have to be a friend to make a friend.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 do you make every situation about your looks because you consistently bring it up. people find this shallow and boring.
if i was at a wedding with a friend and they spent the whole time chatting up someone and then went of with them i would consider it rude. so she was talking to someone random and you appeared to leave-how do you think she felt?
maybe if she frustrates you you need to find friends that have similar attitudes to you and dont mind dissappearing at the drop of a hat for male attention.
if your that good looking and its that big a deal stop talking about it and go for modelling-its a good way to make money if you can...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): I had this by my 'freind' when I was younger. You may feel quite high up, but I think it's very unlikely its mainly about your looks. Its got to be about some aspect of your personality too.
First thing to do is just ditch her, she isn't worth your time anymore. She obviously dosen't like you very much, So what if you haven't got many freinds? she obviously isn't one as she dosen't even go out with you! Try joining a club or something, interact with diffrent people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): With your post and how she responded to you with that guy at the wedding, I think that answers it: she's jealous of you.
Like lilmisse2424 mentioned, you need to move on and meet new friends. Are you in college? Good place to meet new friends, even a boyfriend maybe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and what my mom means by not "all that" is that I am not all that pretty. Even though many people have told me I could be a model, and I often get stared at by men when I am out. Especially when I dress up really nice.
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 It seems to me that you always have to make the contact, not her. Plus to me, she does not seem like a friend worthwhile anymore.
Along with that I definitely agree with the first answer. I would read that and consider it a good answer,too. I would ask the question-If she goes to an event, would she invite me and why? I would also ask:
How do I feel if I am with her socializing?
Is she still worth being friends with?
Do I feel comfortable talking about anything with other people?
I would also consider having a new group of friends to keep you busy. It wouldn't hurt to meet new people. If she doesn't like you anymore, you have to move on, and try to make contact with other people. It is hard to lose a friend that you have been friends with for awhile.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am more laidback than she is, (introvert) but I am very friendly, don't mind being around extroverted people, and will engage in conversations with people and crack jokes.
Once I went to a wedding reception with her, (someone related to her was getting married and she invited me) and I caught the eye of a guy there. He wasn't my type but he seemed like a nice person and I chatted with him. She just seemed very pissed when I sat next to him and held a conversation, even though she had her own thing going on across the room. The guy and I walked into the parking lot and talked for a second. She overreacted and was getting upset saying I left her...when she herself was mingling in the crowd. Not to mention, I was not going to leave without her. She kinda laid a guilt trip on me for something rather innocent
Then she started to talk about how the guy was soo ugly, and that he tries to talk to "every" girl at the events they frequent. It kinda made me feel a bit bad. Like I wasn't really special. He wasn't my type, and not the best looking guy but I didn't mind holding a conversation. I was a little bored lol
Anyway, when we were in the car leaving she kept asking me about him and saying, "ewww are you gonna date him? he is soo ugly." Just acting very immature. It wasn't that big of a deal really. I didn't plan on marrying the guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am more laidback than she is, (introvert) but I am very friendly, don't mind being around extroverted people, and will engage in conversations with people and crack jokes.
Once I went to a wedding reception with her, (someone related to her was getting married and she invited me) and I caught the eye of a guy there. He wasn't my type but he seemed like a nice person and I chatted with him. She just seemed very pissed when I sat next to him and held a conversation, even though she had her own thing going on across the room. The guy and I walked into the parking lot and talked for a second. She overreacted and was getting upset saying I left her...when she herself was mingling in the crowd. Not to mention, I was not going to leave without her. She kinda laid a guilt trip on me for something rather innocent
Then she started to talk about how the guy was soo ugly, and that he tries to talk to "every" girl at the events they frequent. It kinda made me feel a bit bad. Like I wasn't really special. He wasn't my type, and not the best looking guy but I didn't mind holding a conversation. I was a little bored lol
Anyway, when we were in the car leaving she kept asking me about him and saying, "ewww are you gonna date him? he is soo ugly." Just acting very immature. It wasn't that big of a deal really. I didn't plan on marrying the guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): If you look better then her, meaning guys would find you more attractive, then this could be one reason. I take it that you have to initiate contact, that your friend won't?
What does your mom mean by "not all that?" I remember when I was young, I was pretty much on my own for advice, neither my mom or dad offer anything worth while.
When she goes to other events, have you asked her if you could go?
To learn more about you, I'd like to ask you how you feel being in public socializing? Do you have an ease at talking about things? Is she the only friend you can cantact?
Be looking forward you your reply.
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