A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey your answers in the past have helped me a lot so I'm here again with something new that I'd love your feedback on.When I was 15 I started dating a guy and he treated me badly over the 4 years we were seeing each other. He cheated on me with a lot of people. On one particular occasion we'd met a girl who had moved here from Sweden, who we both got along with really well [I'll call her Jodie for name's sake.] I used to hang out with my boyfriend's mates a lot and because Jodie had started dating one of them, she integrated into the group, which was totally fine. My boyfriend was a lot keener to be friends with her than I was which I was naturally wary about, as he'd cheated on me before. I'd expressed this to him and he'd stressed that I should 'give him a chance' so I did. And then of course something bad happened. A few days later I found out that my boyfriend had been sleeping with one of my best friends and I was pretty distraught. We stopped talking and he ignored me for several days. One day when I was in another town with my friends, something didn't seem to be sitting right in me and I went to his house on the way home to check if he was okay. I went into his room to find him naked on the bed with this Jodie girl. As soon as he saw me he got up and started putting his clothes back on, but she refused to leave. She said that he wasn't my boyfriend (?), that it wasn't my house so why should she leave. I grabbed her by her hair and tried to yank her off the bed but my boyfriend stopped me, it probably hurt her quite a lot. I would have hit her if he hadn't have restrained me. He everntually persuaded her to leave and I can't really remember what happened after that.I told her boyfriend (because he was my friend too) and he didn't believe me which was upsetting, but we made up after Jodie went off with someone else. I hated her for years. I know it's my own fault for staying with a jerk like that but I had already developed so many insecurities about myself that this one was just added to the bank.I never spoke to her again, but after that she blocked me on social networking, and over the years I've seen her screw around so many people, all the while being in a long term relationship with someone. She moved away from the town we were living in and a few years later I finally finished with my boyfriend.I'm still friends with a lot of people who I met through my ex, although unfortunately so is she. They probably never knew or remembered what she did, but that doesn't really bother me.I'm really close with one guy in particular who I spend a lot of time with, he stayed at my flat a few times when he was homeless and I've stayed by him through his depression and loneliness. I don't like him in any way other than a friend, but we are very close and I have a lot of time for him, we always have a laugh together.We've not seen each other much since Christmas and I was really pleased to hear he'd got himself a place, a job as well as seeing someone else. I am so happy for him. However, the girl he is seeing is this girl Jodie (even though his older brother has had her before!). He sent me this text today:'Yeah I have the job, doing paper work today and starting Monday. Um do you know Jodie? Unfortunately she lives in Bristol but if things go well this year then we will get a flat together next year.'I have no idea how to respond. I am so happy for him but I don't know if he knows what happened and I am worried she will come between us if she still has a stigma about me. I don't feel like I should in anyway be obliged to be friends with her, but if they do last a long time how should I approach that? I am happy to support him through anything, even if I don't like it I guess.Please guys, I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose my friend!
View related questions:
best friend, cheated on me, christmas, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2015): If he is as good a friend as you think, then you should confront him. Be light about the situation, possibly ask him to read this, as it's put together simply enough to get the point across.
And explain that if she makes him happy, then you're happy for him. But that you haven't resolved anything with her since she did that to you. And that you would hate for any history to cause drama now.
He may well relay your message to Jodie, and see if a meet can happen.
But, it does seem quite sudden for their relationship to be on the way to moving in with one another next year :S there's no rush. He could just settle in his job and current flat for a little bit first
|
