A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My best freind has been dating a loser for 4 years. He's addicted to cocaine, is violent towards her and her 5 year old child (both physically and emotionally abusive), walks in and out of her life when he wants and basically treats her like dirt. He's jealous, possessive, paranoid and controlling.Now, she's stunning. She doesn't realise it, because she has low self esteem, which her boyfriend doesn't help - he preys on that to keep her under his control.They break up once a month or so, she's convinced she won't take him back, then she just goes running. She's lost alot of friends over this, and I'm now her only friend who will listen when she moans about him.But I'm now getting to breaking point. I;m sick of seeing how badly he treats her, and her running to me every time something happens, only for her to get back with him the next day.I don't want to isolate her and push her away, I don't know what to do though.
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best friend, emotionally abusive, jealous, self esteem, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 August 2009):
 I appreciate that you are being a good friend, but unfortunately if you continue listening to her troubles then she may not act on the situation as she needs to. From what you are writing, the child seems to be in danger and it is a child protection matter. I think you have a duty to call social services to report your concerns (anonymously if you like) - if you think about recent child abuse cases in the UK media then you will understand my concern. A social worker might intervene with the family and with professional help this woman may leave her abusive relationship. I also suggest that you ring women's aid (they have a helpline) as they can give you contact information for local community services in your area that you could pass onto this friend of yours.
A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice +, writes (23 August 2009):
 Oh my gosh the exact same thing happened to me with my sister. Its a common situation. To be honest i tried everything too - I threatened, Argued, Took her out. We even had physical fights over it. she used to run back to the idiot every time even after he started beating her she came home with bruises and ripped clothes i thought she was stupid as anything.
After yearss of break ups and heartache one day she just had enough, snapped to her senses and cut the guy off. Then after all those times she cried on my shoulder she told me I was a biotch and I acted horrible she said the more I disapproved and hated the guy the more it made her run back. sick as it sounds I think the only reason she broke away was coz each other time i expected her to break away and she ran back then when In expected her to run back she finally broke away if that makes any sense.
So she starts telling me that in a wierd way me challenging her relationship made her want to prove she could keep it and me being an apparent biotch just made it worse for her and she already knew what he was like.
Sooooo The advice I would give you is to stop all the disapproval stop all the ''i hate that guy'' talk and it will be very hard!
Continue being supportive but dont let her yap on all the time. Take her out clubbing or something to remind her that not being in a relationship there is still a fun and guy-filled world out there (clubbing is one thing that helped me break out of my own possesive-controlling relationship)
All you can do is this you knopw theyre both adults its the kid which is undeserving of this rubbish. Shame about these things always making for poor innocent babies to become as effed up as their parents.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 well i think ur friend just cant seem to accept the fact that her bf has so many not so appealing qualities
u cant blame her cuz she seems to be soo much in love with this freak
well as u said she has a low self esteem i think she finds her self to be lucky to be with this guy who is still accepting her with all her so called flaws
i think u should just be straight forwrd and tell her all that u feel
express your feelings thats the best u can do
rest is up to her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You could try asking her if she knows why she's lost all her friends except you. It's difficult to abandon a friend, but I wonder if the threat of you leaving her to her own devices because you're sick of hearing about her problems would convince her to break contact with this bloke?
Might be worth the threat. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and this sounds like one of those instances.
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