A
male
age
36-40,
*oopi
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year now, and I love her heaps. Everything has been going great except for one thing.Soon after we started dating, my best friend started talking to her via msn. I was completely cool with this of course.However, as time went on they became very close. They would talk for hours via the internet and my gf told me that he would tell her things that he had told no one else.I saw this as a little strange but i was still fine with it, UNTIL one night me and my friend had a petty fight, and he had a rant about me to my gf, and even made things up, which made her very upset at me and caused a big fight between us. This pretty much killed the trust i had in my best friend.Still, he felt terrible and apologised, but I still didnt have the trust for him that I used to.It was at this point when I let both him and my girlfriend know that I was uncomfortable with how close they were. (It was getting to the point where I, her BOYFRIEND, felt like the third wheel if the 3 of us were together)/ My girlfriend was completely understanding but my friend didnt even seem to care.Soon after that, my Friend gave her a bracelet which he made my gf swear never to take off, and he made her promise not to tell me. (which she did anyway cos she never hides things from me)From this point my friend would secretly do things behind me back, and hide that he spoke to my girlfriend and lie about it.The last straw happened when he wanted to give her a booklet in which he put all his "inner thoughts". he kept this a secret from me and told my gf I wasn't allowed to see it.Now my relationship with my best friend has all but deteriorated and he doesnt seem to care that he is hurting me. My girlfriend tries to back off but he continually makes her feel guilty. She even admits that some of the stuff he says to her is over the top.For me this is not an issue of trust, its an issue of my friend stepping over the boundaries.I miss my friendship with this person and dont know what to do. He was never like this in the past, he just seems to have changed for the worse recently.Any advice would be appreciated
View related questions:
best friend, msn, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, andrew2008  +, writes (3 October 2008):
Is it right to guess both of you met her at the same time. Probably he has always been in love for her but was shy, that was an opportunity to talk to her as your gf.
Have u asked your gf if he likes him. As in lets say you 2 broke up and u approve would she go out with your mate.
Why, because u mention u had an argument with her on your friends side.
Somehow i get the sense she talk to him aswell, coz if they still talk for hours he isn't the only one doing the talking.
Im not suggesting your girlfriend is cheating on you, but its just a different perspective.
I have 2 best friends who we grew up together. John had a gf and Andy used to talk to John's gf all the time. john was unhappy with it and told Andy to stop talking to his girl because he got the impression Andy was the on doing all the calling.
But it turns out actually John's gf was doing all the callings and telling Andy what John was doing n stuff. Consiquently Andy and John's gf became too close for comfort.
However that said your friend is poison and stay away from him. He broke the most fundamental rule "Bros b4 Hoes..."
A
male
reader, boopi +, writes (6 September 2008):
boopi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies, I am lucky to have my girl. Just sucks that things like this had to happpen.
...............................
A
male
reader, boopi +, writes (3 September 2008):
boopi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts just fucked up because my gf insures me over and over again that it is impossible that he is in-love with her, but I haven’t ruled it out. She took off the bracelet and told him she isnt going to wear it and she also told him that she didn’t want the book he was going to give her. When she told him this he got extremely upset, and I don’t see how he could get so cut if there wasn’t something more to it on his part. Even if he DID like her he wouldn’t say anything because I know he wouldn’t do that, but the problem Is don’t want him to fall inove with her In the first place.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Hey man this is real uncool
Your best mate giving her jewellery and books that only she can see is fucked up
If my boo got close to one of my best friends I would hit the roof
You can see true colours of people when it comes to situations like these
Ya mate here clearly has a thing for this girl, but she is stickin by ya man and that’s all you have to worry about is her loyalty to you
So yeah man I would usually say hoes before bros, but if ya mate is going to stab you like that then fuck him.
Appreciate ya chick for telling you everything even tho he made her feel bad
So yeah tell him to stick that book up his arse
Hope shit works out well
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): I feel for you brother,
there is nothing worse then to have your best mate betray you and go for your woman.
From what I have read it seems as though he would jump at the chance to be with her, but he can’t because he knows that she would never leave you for him.
At least your woman is on your side. But as for this “friend” I would watch out for him and make sure he doesn’t get to close. But on the other hand it seems as though he felt bad when you confront him, so he does care about you. If he is inlove with your woman then it is hard for him as well you must relies.
...............................
A
male
reader, boopi +, writes (3 September 2008):
boopi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for the replies so far
I have spoken to my mate, and he has told me that he is not inlove with my gf, it is just that she seems to be the only person that “gets” him and that he see’s her more like a sister. Even still, I still feel uncomfortable at the same time, and I feel really bad, is there something wrong with me? My gf has told my mate to back away a bit, and he got really cut. I feel really bad yet at the same time I feel as though this is the only solution.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): wow.this is very awkward then.i think that your friend has obviously confused the "best mates gf" boundary!sure, its cool that your gf and him have made an effort to get to know each other, and im perfectly sure that your gf was totally oblivious to the way your friend was acting until it had become wayy o.t.t!! BUT, personallly, i dont think that i would want my best friend becoming better friends with my bf than the friendship that we originally shared. (and that business with the book is f**kd!)my advice, sit down with your mate, or even over msn if u cant face him and voice your concerns. tell him how you feel and that your aware of what has happened. your mate needs to realise that your gf ISNT going to break up with you for him, that she loves you (well obviously duh) and that he needs to back off! let him know that its cool of them to be mates, but nothing too deep coz thats just weird. besides, if he is best friends with both you and your girlfriend, surely hes going to get sick of hearing about the exact same thing from two different people ;) hope i helped...take care
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): If this guy really is your friend he wouldnt be trying to crack onto your gal. You should sit him down and ask him what he is trying to do and then figure out where his intentions lie. As for your chick, you are lucky to have a gal that is willing to stick by you and tell you everything when she is in that sort of position. You wont find many chicks like that. good luck man
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Ive been in a simialr situation to this in the past, its trechary if you ask me, bros before hoes lol, he shouldnt be doing this to you if your REALLY friends!!! Hes beeing sneak and decitefull and needs to be put in his place, im not sugesting anything physical but a few firm strong words may be needed ...good luck bro, its also a good thing your gfs being honest with you so it sounds like youcan trust her....but not him tho
...............................
A
female
reader, baybeegurl_x +, writes (1 September 2008):
 hmmm the only thing that comes to mind straight away is that he was obviously jealous of your relationship! and maybe he himself had a crush on your girlfriend which is why he started to get closer to her. the fact that he brought her a bracelet and told her not to take it off is as though he thinks shes his girlfriend, it's all weird! you often find girls and boys who were once a really great friend trying to get cosy with your boyfriend or girlfriend!
i know my friend does it, she speaks to my boyfriend all the time, but i know he's clearly not close to her at all because it does his head in! but what your friend is doing is i agree stepping over the boundaries. and i agree that it's difficult because you're all friends or were friends at some point, but if your friend can't see that what he is doing is hurting you and putting your girlfriend in difficult positions then he obviously doesn't care at all.
it seems though that you're girlfriend is more important, and she seems to love you as she tells you everything, i would try not to worry about it so much, things will sort themself out and soon start to wear down!
good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Hey! Sounds messed up! But at least ya grl is honest with you. I think u may need to put this lil prick back in his place. He aint no real mate to do that to you. I have been with my boyfrnd 5 years and he would go nuts if any1 came on to me. But hez my boo and he knowz it. Were krazy in love! I do know what its like to be hurt like you are now. Happened thousands o times until i met the one i want to marry and have kidz to.
...............................
A
male
reader, Straight Up1  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Wow...in this case your friend has absolutely crossed the line!!
Its pretty obvious that he used the comfort of her being your girlfriend to be able to get close with her and then ouch!!
Where I am from... this is the worst thing a guy could do in a friends life....and unforgivable!! Any girl dating a friend is OFF LIMITS!!
He is willing to lose you and your history together over a girl... and believe me...at your age....women will come and go a few more times.
Perhaps he will understand your friendship ending a few years down the road and change his ways.
I would start with your girlfriend talking to him and saying it makes her uncomfortable and they can't speak anymore outside of the two of YOU being together.
If that doesnt help....get your buddy laid by someone else!! hahaa!! it will do wonders for this!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (1 September 2008):
 As your girlfriend has admitted, some of the things he tells her are a bit OTT. Hence, she should talk to him and maybe he will ease up that way.
...............................
|
