A
female
age
30-35,
*lamp
writes:This is something that's been troubling me for so long, and it's kept me swinging back and forth from anger, resentment, guilt, and jealousy. I'm a 17 year old girl, in my last year of school, and my closest friend in school is a boy I'll call 'Aidan'. I've known him for 5 years but our friendship has had its ups and downs. We became friends in the 7th grade, when I had practically no other friends. I was going through a lot at the time, with my parents always fighting and my father often taking out his anger on me and my mother blaming me for every single time I offended him in some way, so Aidan's friendship was like my only support system in my life. Then me amd my mom moved out, and started living on our own, and I thought things would get better since I was finally away from my psychologically abusive father. But then one of his other really close friends, a girl who hated me for being shifted into the academically 'elite' section of the class (she and I were friends for a very sort time) began to spread rumours that Aidan had a crush on me in order to break our friendship. To disprove these rumours, Aidan started showing, explicitly, that he didn't like me at all- he got all cold on me, started ignoring me, being mean to me, laughing at me, etc. At the same time, both my dogs suddenly died, and I went through depression. And again, I was all alone. Then tenth grade happened, and we became friends again when Aidan had a fight with the girl who instigated him against me. He apologized, sort of, and we became really close again. Everything changed for the better in the eleventh grade. I don't know how, or why, but I suddenly stopped being such an introvert and started talking more to people around me. I became a part of our group, which involved me, Aidan, and several other people. But here's the problem: even though we're closer than ever before now, in 12th grade, and even though I have other friends now, I still feel like I hate him. It's weird because this feeling comes out powerfully whenever my father (with whom I'm forced to keep cordial contact with, for money for university) says something cold, mean, or humiliating to me. At that time, I just feel like I hate every single boy and man on the planet. Aidan's insecure about the stupidest things, and I can't help feeling jealous of all that he has. He as the perfect family, perfect, and is getting the best grades in the class. He's also applying for the same course as me, English Literature, and we're both the best in our English HL class. But I'm not so good with other subjects, and I get so mad when he incessantly whines about 14/20 in something. And then when I try to cheer him up, he often ends up saying things like "No, you don't know, you're the attractive, interesting one and I'm the ugly, nerdy one." See, he's pretty insecure about his looks, and I feel like shouting at him to remind of everything he has that I don't. Because of his better grades in other subjects, he gets to apply to better universities and already has 2 offers which he can easily meet, and I've heard nothing from mine. He's almost never called me first, when it wasn't for work, and I feel unwanted everytime I call him. Even when I'm telling him serious stuff on the phone when I'm really upset, he'll interupt and say "Oh, wait, I have to go now, I'll talk to you later" and then hang up and never call back. It's making me feel f**cking awful. I don't think he cares about me at all. I hate that he doesn't have to play a game of careful flattery and tact to ensure he has money for university. I hate that the worst things he can grumble about are the rare average marks and the way he looks. I hate that he can't see beyond the fact that I'm attractive, "interesting", talented, etc etc, and not see that all of that doesn't automatically render my life perfect. He's so blind to everything! Yet, he's the only one that I can tell almost everything to. Please help me, I'm incredibly sorry for the long post, but I need help getting over my jealousy as far as grades and universities are concerned. I also need to know if I must severe the friendship now, even at the risk of social isolation, or try to somehow mend things.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 You feel like he has got so much more than you as you have a lot of problems. But you need to see that he has problems as well, even though they seem minor to you and not as bad as yours they are still his problems and may just be as important to him as yours are to you. Try not to judge him. But be there for him and accept that he is struggling with something's in his life. Saying that though he needs to show the same attention to you and show you that he cares. I guess you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. Don't tell him that you feel he doesn't have the same amount of problems that you do as this will cause an argument but tell him that sometimes you feel he is not there for you or is not listening to you when you have a problem. But remember you also need to be there for him. Don't give up on the friendship without working on it. If you both put in some effort things should work out for themselves. Good luck.
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