A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, this is a question, not regarding me but my male best friend. Isn't it odd, how you cannot be an agony aunt to yourself, but everyone comes to you with their problems and you can solve them. Well now i have failed.My friend, him mentioned above, is a great guy. He is smart and witty. He is not conventionally handsome but he does look after himself and he has plenty of friends. What he is lacking however is a girlfriend.I cannot say he hasn't been looking, he has but he never gets past the first date. He has tried dating mutual friends, and lately he has turned to online dating. He is a very thoughtful guy and he takes time to introduce himself on the emails he sends, not just a stupid 'hi, i'm blah blah, u got msn hun' but most of them never get read, or they are deleted without reading.I have told him it is not him, it is them. If they don't appreciate him then they aren't worth the bother. I've told him that once he stops trying so hard, the right girl will come along, but no matter what i say he worries he is not attractive enough, or he will never get another gf, since he had one, but she cheated on him. Now he has become soooo depressed. It's really hurting him and he doesnt understand what he is doing wrong.I have become very concerned about him, and now i have run out of things to say. I don't want to ignore him, but i also don't want to be muttering inannities. So if you have any suggestions, please help me out. I'd appreciate it very much.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010):
I agree with Ask Oldersister: Why wouldn't YOU date him?
Your reason, no matter how superficial or unfair it might sound when you say it out loud, is probably exactly why he is getting passed over by so many other women.
I suggest you tell him the truth. If you dare.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
I would suggest that he's either coming across as far to desperate to find a girlfriend, or he needs to look at the type of women he's attracted to. Women will smell his lack of esteem in himself, so he will scare the good ones and make only the questionable ones come to him. He needs to address his issues of confidence, which will come across as unattractive, and he needs to look carefully at the type of woman he's attracted to as well.
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A
female
reader, princesskilala  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Oh it seems like he's desperate and a really nice guy. One thing for sure is that most girls don't like the really nice guys cuz they are mostly good as bff's. Remember most girls like the bad boy type. It doesn't mean he needs to be bad he just has to be a little less nicer than he is because the level of nice he is at is only for bff's which is why his last girl cheated on him. I also think that he's some what traumatized with the fact that she cheated on him which is also affecting his self esteem cuz he's putting the blame on himself as a reason why she cheated on him making it his own fault when in fact it isn't. He should realize that it was her fault for missing out on the best guy cuz he seems really nice to be with and get over with. He should also work on his self esteem cuz it seems like it's a little on the down side. Hope this helps and good luck to your friend
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