A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A month ago, my closest friend sent me a pdf via whats app telling me essentially he was strongly considering ending the friendship. Though the friendship has always been passionate for me (he perceived it as turbulent) it was one I cherished and valued greatly. My friend is an artist and I am an art critic in terms of our jobs. In my profession, I'm encouraged to be honest and accurate, I try to do this always in a sensitive compassionate way. I never gave unsolicited criticism. My artist friend, in time I knew him, I noticed balked at any criticism, which he often received as an attack even if that is not the intention. I realized quickly that many things were sensitive issues for him and I didn't know how to broach them so I didn't to preserve the friendship. I honestly prefer to be honest and kind to people I care about, I don't like to lie if someone asks me for the truth, even if it might hurt them in short term. My friend has cut me off and is considering now whether to remain friends. In the letter with no backing up with examples, he calls me abusive, gaslighting, and manipulative. I have twice told him that I didn't see this in my own behavior but was very willing to do other things if I am wrong and grow/apologize if I did anything which unintentionally caused him hurt. For me, the friendship was very valued and loved, he taught me important lessons such as kindness and being open about my feelings, and he was relentlessly supportive and generous with his time and energy. After 5 years of thinking the world of my friend, in this moment I feel he has not only assassinated my character but also acted from a place feelings/anger/impulse, rather than a place of looking for the truth. I explained to him that letters and whats app were not the best place to find understanding and if he would be willing to meet me, but he has not been willing to do that. I don't know my own complicity in this situation and I'm spiraling as he won't give me answers, I'm hurt and sad. Would the agony aunt and uncles be willing to impart some knowledge/ advice to me.
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