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My best boy mate and I have a sexual relationship, but when we went out it didn't work! Is it right to stay as we are, then?

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Question - (10 October 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i have a best boy mate. we have a deep history together. we also currently have a sexual relationship but we are still virgins. we both want to lose our virginity to each other. we talk about how great it would be if we got married.

though when we went out it really didn't work, we are more like a couple when we are mates.

is it right to stay as we are?

i think i am in love with him but i don't know how he feels towards me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007):

Some of the most long-lasting relationships and marriages have started out as people just being good mates. It's a very good start!

You say you have a sexual relationship but are both still virgins - I'n not sure I understand that too well, but if you've both said how good it would be to lose your virginity at the same time then why not go ahead. You'll certainly see each other in a slightly different light, but probably for the better, not worse.

Best of luck!

Phil

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (10 October 2007):

Sandman agony auntYou should ask him how he feels about you. Or create a scenario and change the names of the persons and tell him the story of one woman who fell in love with her best male friend. Ask him what he thinks about it. See how he reacts to it. You never know how he feels until you ask him.

A good female friend of mine and myself just visited this same conversation not too long ago about us getting together. We decided that if it didn't work out, we had a lot more to lose - a really good friendship. It could of course work out, but we're not willing to risk the wonderful relationship we share together. We're stricly plutonic.

It sounds like you two have deeper, more romantic feelings for each other than you're letting on. But like I said earlier, you'll never know until you ask him. He might feel the same way. Then you'll have to choose whether or not to pursue a romantic relationship with your best friend and hope it works out and gain a new boyfriend. Or loose best friend if it didn't work out.

Hope this helps.

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