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female
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anonymous
writes: How do I know if a guy is sincere? I have been going out with my bf for just about 3 months and I feel confused because he is 24 and I'm 20 and he has had a lot of experience with women and I've only had one bf before him (actually an ex-fiancee)and my ex-fiancee began by being a good person, but turned into this controlling, manipulative guy, so I broke it off with him. What scares me is that both of them share similar interests: they are both engineers, both like action movies, and both have similar personality quirks that make me feel scared that he is going to do the same things he did or make me feel the same way my ex-fiancee did...although of course he is a different person, I know that and I see it too, but I just feel wary of him and I almost feel like I can't trust him sometimes--is this normal? Will there ever be a time when I feel like I can trust him like I trust my best girlfriends? Should I trust him? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (8 October 2005):
Your instincts are probably correct, and the answer has to be no. When in doubt, don't. What you realize is that you are dragging baggage from your past relationship into this one. You may not be judging him fairly right now, but you can only be you. Try to get over the past bf, and assess who did what to end that relationship. It usually takes two people to cause a break up, so be honest in assessing your own mistakes. Learn from them, and then talk to your new bf about your mistakes. It will teach him about you, and allow him to understand why you are wary of him. If he really cares for you, he will work with you to gain his trust.
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