A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My boyfriend of six months and I have a very open relationship but there's something that I haven't really been able to stop thinking about. Yesterday he randomly asked me if if I liked someone else, would i tell him. I said that I wasn't sure but possibly. Then I asked him why he asked me that, he said no reason. And then I asked him if he would tell me, he said yes. So I asked him if he did and he went on to tell me that there was someone, that if we broke up, that he would try to go out with her. I asked who, not really knowing if I wanted to know. Then he asked if I really if I were sure that I wanted to know. I said yes. But he avoided me and the subject and continued watching the movie we were watching. It was weird because he had just said that he would tell me. So I said, "well if you want to go out with them, then you must like them, and you just told me that you would tell me." It was not so much that I wanted to know who it was, but more of the fact that he had just told me he would tell me and that he wanted to go out with this other girl if we didn't work out. It kind of just felt like our relationship didn't matter since he had a backup plan. Finally he told me who it was. It turned out to be this girl that he has classes with. Funny thing is a couple days before he asked me out I could tell that he liked her, there for he's liked her for about six months. I know that i have looked at other guys too but not seriously, just as a passing thought, and also that its been so long that he has liked her and that he brought it up. I feel like he thinks our relationship doesn't matter and it's okay if we break up since he has a plan B. Should I talk to him about this? How? Or should i simply stop thinking about it?Thank you for all your help!
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female
reader, shiraz *  +, writes (3 March 2009):
hiyah, you could stop thinking about it but the problems still there and now it is fresh in the mind it will remain there! you need to reconsider a few things to start with. i mean its not the normal thing to s=discuss and that leads to the question why was he thinking this way, its one of those things that goes on in your head that you feel guilty for then it goes away and is forgotten to the back of your mind, never really spoken out loud about let alone with your current partner, its a bit starnge.
although six months feels a long time and sounds a long time its still pretty short in the serious stakes, you were still thinking in your head how to answer him and in what way, meaning you dont want to hurt his feelings and want to say the right thing, meaning that your still that distance apart rather than coming stright out whats on your mind- like he did.
it doesnt mean what you have does not matter, or that you are second choice im sure hed hate for you to even think like that let alone feel it. he choose you and although his random questions dont add up hes a guy and may not always think about what comes out and how its taken in- unlike you who thinks things through first. you can take it two ways, one hes trying to tell you something yet is struggling or the other that he feels he can be open and honest with you and hes considering the what ifs and maybes.
talk to him and be straight forward in whats on your mind, if its bothering you then its not going to go away so deal with it before it affects your relationship.
best of luck xxx
A
female
reader, love_and_other catastrophes +, writes (3 March 2009):
To be honest, if it were me? i'd break it off. It's not fair to you that he likes someone else while with you. You could be with another guy who A) doesnt have a backup plan, and B) would treat you like his ONLY ONE...you're wasting your time with this guy honey.
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