A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a guy and i have been dating this guy for the past 4 and half months and in the beginning everything was fine, we saw each other every week and we talked just about every single day, up until 2 months ago when things began to change, seeing him dropped from once a week to once a month and talking dropped from 5 times a week to twice a week. now i am not as concerned but i need advice, here are some of the things he told me, (btw he is in the closet) he said that his brother had moved in because he lost his home temporarily and he said that he has his two kids more often then he usually did...I am also not as concerned because he told me that his ex wanted him back but he didn't want to go back and this he was sure of, he is only concerned for his kids...he even introduced me to them..I had recently seen him after not seeing him for a month and a half and we bare got to spend time with one another (about two hours) because he brother decided to come from work early with his girlfriend. So after it was time for me to leave i asked him in his car 'what we were going to do because one we can't live under pressure (as he said) and two we barely see each other...he told me that if things don't get better that "we are going to have to just find plan b", but if the get better then it will go back to the way it was, so i assumed that he wants to be with me...he even called me the day after to see if i was okay and if my family was doing well because we recently had some issues, but since that phone call he has not contacted me and this was two days ago, I left him two messages today and one message the night he called to say good night again, and he got online but did not answer the messages i sent, he adds friends to his page and just leaves... Honestly I am not sure what to think, but he got online twice yesterday and did not speak to me and then he got online twice today and did not speak to me (he just did what he usually does and adds friends, sometimes he stays up there and then he goes and this is not unusual) I even sent him a message once, saying that i though he was cheating and he took a few days to answer it even though he had been online that whole week; giving me the same excuse that he is busy. I get that he is in the closet, i get that he has a job and kids to look after, and i get that he now has family living with him, but i don't know what to do...when we saw each other everything was great, i even told him not to worry because i wasn't going anywhere and that I'd always be there because i wanted him and he held me tightly, it was the best two hours i ever had with him...but I'm afraid maybe he has changed his mind or something because he hasn't spoken to me yet...his birthday is coming and i want to spend time with him, what should i do? I have no idea what may be going on? help!!
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male
reader, CaringGayGuy  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 From Experience I did the wrong thing I just phoned and phoned and phoned and then his sister picked up and i asked her if he was in she said who is this I said his boyfriend (it slipped out) she hung up the phone and the next thing i know he breaks up with me in text and told me that it wasn't my choice to decide when to tell them but I told him it was an accident and that if I did it on porpuse I would have done it because he couldn't live in secrecy forever! He told me he was confused and needed to think things over, I did and now were back together after two years apart so if i was you now I wouldn't do what I did just tell him that you can't live in secrecy anymore tell him if he doesn't come out in the next month you'll just have to break up with him... I know that you love him but this is the only way he'll accept that you aren't just a Secret to him because he might love you. Good Luck-CaringGayGuy x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): Maybe you should ask him what plan B actually is. He can't just ignore you all the time and expect everything to be okay. At the moment he is probably aware they he can ignore you for days at a time and you'll just be fine with it and he can pick up where you guys left off. It might be a good idea next time you speak in person or on the phone to say that you miss having contact with him and you don't want to keep going days at a time without speaking to him.
A quick phone call here and there isn't a lot to ask.
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