A
female
age
36-40,
*onfuzzled_in_cville
writes:My boyfriend is never home. Whenever he is he is catching on sleep, playing video games, or gathering things so he can go back out again. He says he's either helping friends do stuff to their cars of he's hanging out with friends? But like every night?I want us to spend time together, I want him to have interest in doing stuff with me. I talked to him about this and threatened to leave because I don't like feeling left out or playing 2nd to his social life. I sit at home and wait. When I try to plan things he's either already busy, broke, ornot interested. And then there are days when I get mad at him and he conveniently says he was going to spend time with me that day, without checking my availability? Is he full of it? I don't know how much more of this I can take. He's either sorta sounding concerned about my want to feel more included and sometimes he's blowing me off. What else can i do? I've threatened to leave, I'm not doing his laundry and I'm taking him off my cell phone account. Nothing.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 January 2009):
 It sounds to me that he's managed to get away with doing the bare minimum to keep you around. The thing about ultimatums, threatening to leave, is that they are only effective if you actually intend to carry them out. He knows that you're not going to leave him, so he carries on as normal, once in a while soothing you so you stay.
If this bothers you so much, and he's not willing to compromise with you, then I don't see much hope for your happiness. It may just be an case of unfortunate timing. He's still at the age where he wants to play, and hang around with his friends, and basically not have the heavy responsibility of being someone's fulltime boyfriend. You're ready for a settled, more companionable boyfriend. It's not anyone's fault, it's just where you are and where he aren't the same place.
Take care.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (11 January 2009):
He's doing the minimum he can to keep you sweet which means grudgingly spending time with you when actually threaten to walk out.
Why is he doing so little? Because that's all he needs to do. You keep forgiving him.
If you actually left him rather than just making idle threats you might actually see some change as he tries to get you back.
At the end of the day though, it sounds as though you could do a lot better so if he doesn't change, find someone better.
Good Luck!! xx
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