A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I've got an issue with my boyfriend and I was wondering if you guys could help. We've been together a couple of months now and so far everything has been great. He's the nicest guy I've dated and treats me really well.However, there has been something in his behaviour that has started to really upset and annoy me. As with most couples the topic of the ex always springs up innocently. I've talked about my ex fiance a couple of times, but only when my boyfriend asks or when he is relevant to the conversation. My boyfriend on the other hand has started frequently talking about his ex, and it's beginning to worry me. Especially as it seems he's comparing me to her.For example, he said I was being bitchy once when i was whining about something, and when i responded that all women are bitchy to a point, he said "*** wasn't like that" I was showing him some baby photos on me on my phone, and he goes, "i think all girls have photos like that, *** had some on her phone too.She was premature, and really tiny." The worst thing was that on the same day we went to look around a well-known lingerie/sex shop and he walks over to me when I'm looking at what I was calling a tacky dress-up outfit, and he goes "*** used to have one of those".I snapped and went crazy at him, I told him I didn't care what she had and that i was sick of hearing about her. he said "aw, don't be mean to ***" This made me angrier! I didn't really talk to him for the rest of the day.The next day I tried to be normal for the sake of his brother because we were going out for the day. Although when he was signing in to his computer to email his friend I was sat beside him and his password is her pet name! He still calls her by her pet name also and it makes me feel physically sick every time I hear it. Then when on the dreaded facebook he was messaging his friend, and I saw from afar that he and his ex has been exchanging private messages recently, soppy ones too. I could see it said "love youuuuuuu xxxxxxxxxxx" on the end of one. He even drew a silly picture of her baby when it was born and put it online. She obviously on his mind.Some background: They dated for less than one year, she has a child (not his) and has been with another guy for a year. They split up 2 years ago.I'm a jealous person, I admit that, and the reason I split up with my ex-fiance was because he emotionally cheated on me and continually sent soppy over affectionate messages to girls he met abroad. It may be me but I find this really inappropriate and disrespectful. I really don't mind my boyfriend being friends with her but if they're exchanging these type of silly messages I don't know whether I'll be able to cope.I'm really worried that he still has feelings for her and he's projecting what he feels for her on me. Now that he's told me intimate details of their sex-life I can't get the image out of my head and it's hurting me so much. I'm no good at talking about serious issues so I bottle my frustrations up and explode. I was thinking a letter explaining what I feel would be okay or should I just pluck up the courage and talk to him about how I feel? Or am I being overly paranoid?Thank you, sorry it was so long:)
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cheated on me, facebook, fiance, his ex, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 If he is dating you, he should not be communicating with his ex. I have already made the statement a lot so far this weekend that men and women cannot be friends. Especially if they have had a previous relationship. Someone always has strong feelings for the other and it just never works. He is wrong for communicating with these girls and is doing so at your expense. You are right...it is very disrespectful to you. I would sit him down and talk with him and give him an ultimatum. The messages and communication to all girls (including the ex) except you stops or you are leaving because you do not feel you currently have a boyfriend. If you do this, you need to be willing to walk away if he continues on his current course. If he does choose to continue, it will bring you nothing but frustration and heartache anyway, so be brave and strong and do what you need to do.
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