A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I took a fulltime job I feel out of sync with my b/f and it's causing problems. We used to both get off around 4:00 PM every day and do things together. Now I don't get home until 5:30 or 5:45 and he's been getting off at 2:00 PM. I think I'm a little jealous, but also I don't know what he's doing while I'm at work. He says he's doing projects around the house, but sometimes it looks like he just started that project about 5 min. before I pulled into the driveway. Tonight we bumped into a skanky woman he's been friends with for years and she remarked about bumping into him twice in the same week. Turns out he had to go into her place of business earlier in the week and hadn't mentioned it to me. I feel totally out of the loop. He used to tell me everything, plus I was always with him. Now when I'm at work and he's bopping around town doing whatever. I feel like he's hiding things from me because we don't keep in touch like we used to. We used to e-mail each other during the day when I had a different job, now I don't have access to the net so I'm totally out of the loop and he doesn't tell me squat until we bump into someone who mentions something. For instance last week, he had a big interview with a television network and never even told me about it. This is not something he does every day, but now and then, it comes up in his line of work. I didn't find out until the friggin' thing came out on the news and I was shocked that he didn't mention it. The woman who bumped into us, was connected to this interview. I don't like this woman because he's always acted like she's something special but she's gross. She's like this pathetic anorexic alcholic who is middle-aged and weighs like 90 pounds. And I can tell she'd just love to get her hands on my b/f for an afternoon of wild sex. My b/f oesn't understand why I'm feeling uncomfortable about how our schedule is affecting our relatonship. But it's affecting our relationship and I don't know what to do. Then this morning, I came into fix him breakfast and he was watching some show about fuckable moms and their fuckable daughters. How is this suppose to make me feel?
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (19 July 2008):
 My dear,
do not abuse posters who are only trying to offer advice on the information you have given. You only reaffirm their opinion that you are obsessive and demanding.
In MY opinion that is exactly what you are, most people arrive home at different times, and moreover it is not your boyfriend's problem that you are now out of the loop , you chose the job you do.
Maybe your boyfriend is untrustworthy, and you have every right to be worried , but you give no indication - save for the job he went for at the T.V station - that he is. I think you are quite controlling and want to know everything he does and everywhere he goes - that is a controlling personality, you do not own him he has a right to a private life when you are not with him, if he choses to hang out with friends or go shopping or watch dumb T.V shows it is none of your business - good grief.
So I'm sorry, but I actually feel sorry for him, not for you.
If you don't want people to give their honest opinions them don't write in to this site, because that is all you are going to get - honesty from people who give up their own free time to try and help you and you repay them by abusing them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Hmmmm, can't help you with this one. Your differing schedules are not the issue. The issue is that you don't trust him, your relationship is not solid, you feel disconnected enough to worry that some alchoholic anorexic horny middleaged woman is going to grab your man for some wild sex in a stolen hour while you are working....and you sound like you are ready to quit work to tail your man to see what he is doing behind your back.
What is the real reason you don't trust him. Is he a bit of a womanizer, has he told you he doesn't want a relationship or wants to stay single, not interested in settling down or getting married....are you even sure that you two are exclusive or has it just not been talked about because you thought he was spending every bit of his free time with you and by monitoring that you thought you had control over him and his faithfulness to you.
Guess what, if he hasn't made a commitment to you then he is telling you he is not interested in being faithful, he considers himself single, but possibly thinking about either leaving you or about becoming committed to you....only you and he would know which that would be.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel and see where that leaves the two of you. The working different schedules where you only have a couple of hours difference should not be that big of a problem, especially if you value work as well as a relationship, most people have to work these kinds of things out in their relationships....talking, planning and being real and honest is the way to save the day. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Anon, DWell I'm sorry but you don't know this woman and I do. She is notorious for having a string of affairs while her husband was busy running the news station and now that he's gone, she's banged every guy that has crossed her path. Plus my b/f used to have a HUGE crush on her when she was younger and actually looked nice. Now all I see is a pathetic drunk, but he still sees the woman she used to be when she was young and beautiful so I'm aware of the chemistry between them. I think it's odd that he is suddenly scheduling himself with alot of free time. You have no clue obviously.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (19 July 2008):
Yeah, I have to agree that you're a bit obsessive over this. You really need to keep tabs on your bf 24/7? Jeez, live your own life. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to know what he's doing every minute of the day, and he shouldn't have to remember to tell you every single thing he did during the day. Especially when they probably aren't a big deal to him. Don't be so insecure. You really think your bf will want to cheat on you with some older woman? I can tell you now that if you get all crazy over him not telling you every single detail and not hanging out with you constantly, you're going to send him running!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): I really think you need help. You not only seem overreacting but also excessively jealous. Are you not sure of what you can offer to this relationship? Is 2-3 hours on his own going to make him cheat on you? If that is the trust you have in this relationship then it is definitely going downhill but it will be on you, not on the different schedule!
I can understand you are coping with doing something different than what you did before but from that to "she wants an afternoon of wild sex with my bf" because she bumped into him twice in a week? That's scary!
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