A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my boyfriend to do things with me??? Please I'm hurting and everytime I try to ignore this it always comes back..My boyfriend of two years doesn't celebrate our anniversary,our birthdays ,valentine not even at least take pictures with me:(I'm always wondering what is really wrong
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2014): I don't either. I don't celebrate my birthdays, anniversaries or anything like that. They mean nothing to me. I'll never get why people think they need to celebrate crap like that like it's somehow special. After 21, birthdays are insignificant because everything is legally available to you. Anniversaries are bullshit because every day with my wife is a celebration of the fact I'm with her, literally every day I'm thankful for that and put in some kind of effort to let her know that. To me they're just commercialised, or religious bullshit. A means to sell products and/or religion to fools.
They were cool when I was a kid because I got sweets and toys. I can buy sweets and toys any time I like now.
Just because I don't care for putting special significance on dates doesn't mean I don't put significance on my wife.
Saying all that they matter a bit to my wife so I do make the effort. I'm useless at gift giving so she just uses my bank card to buy herself a gift from me.
I am great at making a fuss about her and being romantic though so I just do all that stuff but I do that stuff all the time, not just on stupid dates.
Our V-day yesterday comprised of me collecting her from work and we went go-karting. I cooked her favourite meal, gave her a long massage, lingerie and intimacy, then I ran her a bath with candles and music. Then we just spent the night watching alien invasion movies in front of the fire. I didn't get her a card, or chocolates or a shitty teddy bear and minimum twice a month I go all out and make a big effort on her. We celebrate being together most days.
I don't celebrate those things, OP but I do celebrate her and if she wanted me to give her bullshit cards and stuff I would if she asked. At the end of the day if it was important to her it would be a small gesture that would mean something so why not?
Just ask him, tell him those things mean something to you and you'd like him to do those things for you. If he won't and they matter, then you need to find another boyfriend. If he agrees he will then you should be nice enough to remind him a few days in advance that a special occasion is coming up. Don't be one of these women who won't tell him so she can give him shit for forgetting.
Just talk to him instead of wondering but know that not all of us give a crap about dates like that but do give a crap about our partners.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): You gave your heart to an insensitive ignorant brute. Now you want to change him into some romantic lover-boy?
Do you celebrate his birthdays?
If this is the first year you're together. You're being petty. If he knows all these occasions and goes missing in action when the come. He doesn't care. Either that, or he's cheap as hell.
Before becoming exclusive with someone, you have a series of dates. During these dates (aka courtship}; you're supposed to pick up the quirks and flaws about your prospective mates long before you commit. It has to be formed on some foundation. Not because you're desperate and lonely. Lets get this going; we'll cover the details later.
You weed out the losers through the process of selection and elimination. Taking all red-flags and warnings into account. He didn't suddenly turn into a jerk.
He was always a jerk.
You don't enter blindly into a relationship with the intention to fix someone later. Once you're sure you've got him hooked and reeled in.
Just so you can tack on the label "boyfriend;"
and parade around with something resembling a man on your arm. Some knuckle-dragging Neanderthal who thinks he's being macho; because he's a total prick to his girlfriend.
He's your choice. We can't gang-up on him and force him to remember your birthday, or give you gifts on appropriate occasions. If he was a generous and caring person to start with, you wouldn't have to pour your sad little heart out to DearCupid.
Doesn't it matter to him, when you tell him that it upsets you that he never celebrates anniversaries? Worst of all, not even your birthday?
Does he forget them, or deliberately ignore them?
There is a difference.
If he simply forgets them, you can always program them into his smartphone, or on his laptop. Blatantly remind him weeks in advance and mark every calendar. Hire a plane to fly a banner over the town. Tell his mother.
If he just doesn't care; why are you wasting your time with him? These are signs that a guy just isn't that into you.
Please don't tell us; because you love him. That's a weak excuse. What are you getting in return for your unrelenting love? Maybe he thinks he's always good and generous to you all the time; and thinks you're spoiled?
No...I doubt it.
You have to decide if by some mistake, you have committed yourself to someone who just doesn't realize that one of the important duties of a husband and a boyfriend is; remembering important days of celebration. Anniversaries, birthdays, promotions, graduations, childbirth, wedding anniversaries, holidays; and even the first day we met.
It's how we show our appreciation for each other. Honor our commitments, and extend our love and gratitude for all the joy and wonderful things that our girlfriends, wives, husbands, and boyfriends do for us. This includes gay people too!
As long as you don't put your foot down, he'll shrug them off and ignore your feelings. If he continues to ignore your feelings, dump his ass on principle. Love has to go two-ways, and your feelings are not petty. They darn well matter!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): "How do I get my boyfriend to do things with me???"
Ask him.
"I'm always wondering what is really wrong"
Boyfriend can't read your mind.
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