A
female
age
36-40,
*ostineire
writes:I started going out with my boyfriend 8 months agoAnd we've been living together for 4. I'm 25 and he's 35. At first he couldn't get enough of me, even waking me Up several times during the night for sex most nights.Now if I get it even once a week I'm lucky and that's because I have to practically beg for it. Sex used to be fantastic and could Go on for ages, now he just wants to come as quick as possible With no consideration for my lack of orgasm. I'm the only one who initiates sex now whereas it used to be the other way around. It's making Me feel more and more insecure, has he tired of me? :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 It's a lot simpler than you think, Lostineire.
It's called "sexual habituation".
Simply explained, when men are continuously exposed to the same sexual stimulant, their sexual response decreases, while female sexual response stays the same in the similar situation.
Now that I've given you the "why", allow me to share the "how". :)
He's grown tired of seeing you in the same light. It's the SAME you, and, he's no longer excited by that.
Alter something. Instead of the regular "roll in the hay on Friday night", try something different.
Sex in the kitchen, oral sex in the woods, a sensual massage, a bath together, the possibilities are endless.
Just remember, a simple change of hairstyle is all we, men, need to see the women we love in a completely different light.
Here's a hint.
Ask him. Ask what it is he'd like. Find out his wants and desires, and, then, try to make him feel just a little bit better.
It takes only 10% effort to be 100% better.
Good luck, love!
#* Hope it helps, and, if so, please, rate my answer! *#
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): This guy has the same problem as you and you should read my answer to him as why, my solution to his problem is not going to work for you though.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/it-seems-like-sex-is-a-chore-for5.html
All I can say OP, is the same as the guy above you moved in too soon and you've probably just burned out this relationship by moving too fast. Not only that but he's 35 most guys his age have a far lower libido than guys your age. Why do I think you moved in too soon? Because 4 months is not enough time to be able gauge a partners suitability, it's not enough time to build up a nice level of comfort and intimate knowledge of each other to know if you can live together and it's also the best way to kill the passion of the honeymoon phase by making your lives together routine far too early.
Now you're there living with a guy who is selfish about sex, you're financially and physically tied to a guy who sounds like he's not sexually compatible with you.
What does he say about all this when you talk to him about it?
The only thing you can do is talk to him in depth about this. you have needs and he has to fulfill them if this relationship is going to work but remember talk is cheap. Even if he ups his game, if he doesn't keep it up or he doesn't become less selfish then you have to break up with him and move out, or you can stay in sexless relationship.
OP for the future wait at least a year before you move in with someone. Seriously, this question and the question from the other guy I linked are so common in this situation it's not even funny. I know it's easy to get caught up the whirlwind of great sex and a nice romance but you need to set standards that you won't deviate from in the heat of the moment. Moving in so soon is never a good idea. All you are to him sexually is a fuck doll, sure he may be a lovely guy in all other ways but this situation is unacceptable, a selfish lover is not a lover he's a user.
Talk to him, tell him you're not satisfied and that he needs to up his game if this is going to work. The only response that is acceptable is him saying he will. Anything else is a deal breaker, if he tries to put this back on you then just walk away because he's completely selfish then.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I'm not sure I can speak for him as I will never know what he is thinking, however I will try and help.
It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you and don't feel insecure until you know the reasons for this.
Everyone is in the "honeymoon" period at the beginning. It does wear off. It sounds like you have a very high sex drive. You have to step back and look at the relationship. If he's still showing affection and still seems happy then it probably means you've passed the honeymoon stage. That's not a bad thing because the bit after is so lovely too. As long as you're still happy, you don't need sex all the time.
If he's "gone off you" and isn't showing you affection then maybe it's time to question him. Don't go in all guns blazing because it could just be that the "sexual tension" has worn off.
speak to him about it, it's probably nothing :) x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 February 2012):
 It's interesting that this is posed by a woman.... since the stereotype of this has the sexes reversed....
Nonetheless, either way, if one partner chooses to "leave" the intimate part of the relationship, then the partner so-abandoned might just seek to determine if the intimacy can be re-started..... and, if it can't or won't be restarted, then he or she must reconcile that to themself and choose to either stay in the empty relationship or move on and hope to - some time - land another partner who will sustain the intimacy between them....
Good luck....
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