A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys soo my boyfriend and I started having sex a 4 or 5 months ago. We've been consistent , maybe having sex like every other week on average... More or less. The thing is his boner sometimes just randomly go down randomly during sex, and we have to stop. It's becoming rather frustrating cause we have no idea why it's happening. He is worried something is wrong and should get professional help. Hopefully you guys have some possible answers or suggestions. Thank you!!
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 Performance anxiety looks stress have all been issues ive faced. My root cause was looks so ive worked on that. He has something on his mind. Ask him. Its prob embarassing so pry it out of him.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 This happens a lot to guys who have been brought up on a diet of internet porn from their early teens. It's probably the most common reason for this problem for guys of his age. This website has a lot of information on erectile disfunction caused by porn, it'll help you work out if that is indeed the reason and what you can do about it if it is:
www.yourbrainonporn.com
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 December 2012):
Hi there. The fact that he does get an erection during foreplay, and enough to start having sex, proves that he is NOT impotent.
If he WAS impotent, he would be unable to get an erection at all.
So there is definitely no need to worry that there is a physiological problem. There isn't.
What is most likely the problem, is a very minor one.
What is probably happening I believe, is that you stimulate each other - so that you lubricate, and he gets an erection - so then you proceed to begin sex.
There is usually only ONE reason why an erection is lost, and that reason is that once you begin sex, that he is no longer being physically stimulated by your hand, and if he is not sufficiently in the mood, well then the feeling or urge to have sex, will fade and consequently, his erection will go.
Also, it's possible that he may be stimulating you more than you are stimulating him, and he gets an erection and you are in the mood, and yet he's not quite there yet.
Meaning, that you are more stimulated than he is.
So if he goes on stimulating you, and you slow down on your part of things or else stop altogether, the chances are great, that he will lose his erection very quickly indeed.
If that makes any sense to you.
So maybe, you need to stimulate each other for a little longer, before you begin to have sex.
It's also possible, that maybe he is distracted by something else, which has nothing to do with sex at all.
Or, another possibility, is that he is now beginning to think he has something wrong with him, because of this slight problem that is happening.
It's highly likely, that not enough manual stimulation by you, is a big part of this problem.
As well as manually stimulating him, kissing is also very stimulating, and could also help the situation.
Once the mind gets involved and starts imagining all kinds of reasons for what is happening, all it does is make it into a problem, when in actual fact, it isn't a problem at all!
Because it becomes a psychological issue, rather than a physiological one.
His mind is probably thinking along the lines of - "Mmmmmmm. I hope I can get an erection tonight."
So then he starts to get anxious each time he knows he is going to see you, and so he worries that the same thing will happen again.
This is a vicious cycle.
The more he worries about it, the worse it becomes.
It virtually guarantees it WILL happen.
So whenever he knows he is going to be seeing you, he just needs to take the focus right off whether or not he can get and sustain an erection.
Believe me, a lack of stimulus at the right time for him, is very likely to be the main reason why this happens.
Before beginning foreplay, just relax together and talk and laugh and just enjoy each other's company.
When you are relaxed, most problems (or peceived problems), almost certainly disappear.
So stop thinking about what has happened up until now, and just live in the present moment.
I don't believe there really is a problem here, just a need for more manual stimulation at the right time, that's all.
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