| A
female
,
*atlova
writes: I have this aunt who tries to follow me around everywhere I go and treats me like I am two years old. Her and I have nothing in common, plus she is almost 40 years older than me, is just plain miserable to be around, and thinks I am something that I'm not. The truth is I'd fit in better with my six-year-old boy cousin than her. How can I get this lady off my back? If I told her this, I could cause more problems.
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Catlova +, writes (4 August 2006):
Catlova is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy aunt has not lost her husband or anyone in her immediate family right now. I have no parents to talk to about this, so right now I am just trying to avoid her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): i think the last comment was a bit harsh. i don't think you're a self-centered brat, rather, someone who is just getting really frustrated with a situation that's gone on for too long. but she did get something right when she said that your aunt must be a very lonely woman, or else she wouldn't be spending so much time with someone so much younger than herself. that's why it is crucial to be very gentle with this woman if you do choose to mention something to her about this problem. either that, or maybe you should say something to your mom or dad (who ever is the sibling of this woman) about it, and see if maybe they can help you out. maybe they can be the one to point out to her that she should try and find someone more her own age to spend time with. either way, be gentle. don't blow up on her or tell her how annoying she is, as that would really hurt her feelings, and she's apparently already got a lot of issues going on right now. the best of luck to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Well, you can start solving your problem by being less hostile and realising that this is less about YOU than it is about HER.
She's lonely. She wants to be with someone, anyone... even her self-centred little brat of a niece. (Oh, did I say that? Gee, must be all that venom in the air, rubbing off on me.)
I'm sorry, but I wrote that to make a point. Antipathy to people doesn't solve problems; it just makes everyone uncomfortable. So rather than telling her to "get off (your) back", you need to do a bit of analysis and work out why she's doing what she is, so you can work around it.
Is there some reason why she's suddenly inflicting herself on you? Has she recently come to live with your family? Has she had a partner die, or leave her? Has she lost her job? Does she have financial problems?
In other words, what's changed in her life to make her want to hang around with a young girl who obviously, actively dislikes her? Think about it... she must be pretty desperate for company, if she wants to be around someone with a chip as big on their shoulder as yours is.
It might be time to enlist the help of a parent here, preferably the one who's a sibling to your aunt. Speak to your mum or dad privately and say what's on your mind, that Aunt Jen doesn't seem to have any social life, and she's cramping yours. Explain that you don't mind her company, but that it's gotten out of hand. Ask if they can help by including her in their own plans and activities, so you can get on with being with your own age-group.
If Auntie tries to invite herself along with you next time, just say, "Oh sorry. I'm just going to hang with the kids. There wouldn't be anything interesting going on for you. We'll catch up tonight if that's OK."
(The cardinal rule of not being taken advantage of is to not let people take advantage of you.)
Then you also need to be sure that you're not misleading or "using" your aunt for you own needs, and setting her up to think you two are buds. Is she, for example, bankrolling your social life? Is she loaning you her car and/or driving you around? If you're taking somthing that she's offering, she might (understandably) believe that it's a give-and-take deal; she helps with costs, you hang out together.
The basic point is that she needs someone her own age to socialise with. She needs her own friends and her own life. Her sis or brother should be able to help with introducing her to more appropriate age friends and clubs or activities she can be involved with.
You just might need to -- gently, lose the chip -- point out to them that you think Auntie Jen is spending too much time with you and would enjoy the company of someone her own age much more.
Try to see this as a problem you can help solve, instead of a problem that's only affecting you, and you'll see what I see, which is a desperately lonely woman who needs some redirecting.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): My grandma treats me like a little boy, follows me around and teases me, and like my mom, gives me pats on the head when I make her happy. [sigh] So what do I do? I counter-treat her like a little girl. She loves and hates it at the same time. Every time she tries to initiate something that looks like she's going to treat me a certain way, or talk a certain way, I quickly counter her - eg: she'll try to 'teach' me something, and after her third word, I'll say something like, "Hey grandma, you know that stuff you hide in your room? You should clean it out. Breathing in dust and mites isn't healthy for a growing young woman such as yourself." Or there would be times she would tuck a napkin into my collar. I'll say thanks and do the same for her.
Yes, silly, but ah whatever. Older people can be quite stubborn sometimes...
...............................
|
