A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So fed up with life.My ex alcoholic bf who I spent a crazy 6 years with died 10 months ago.Time does heal but only because it has to.I have a job I do what I gotta do but I am empty.I feel like a nothing.I have a great family but they don't get all the BS that comes with being in a relationship like that and i guess theyre not emotionally attached to him like I am.I cannot move on.I have tried going away,trying new things but still this empty feeling is forever there.I also self medicate with weed and benzodiazepines.Any suggestions?I think I need a psychiatrist but the doctors just send you away with a script.Anyway would appreciate any help ;(
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (6 October 2014):
 soberecovery.org/friends ad family of alcoholics
i found that forum so helpful and supportive.
just reading other peoples posts was great.
everyone there has bought the t shirt to your scenario
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): I must say something without the intent to offend anyone or dismiss anyone's advice. It makes me uncomfortable when people who clearly need the advice and treatment only a psychiatrist can provide; are given confirmation to their excuses for avoiding psychiatric care. Everyone may have our own personal horror stories about any doctor or medical professional. These anecdotes are well and good. However; sometimes it may have only been confined to your choices and limited to your commitment to treatment. That does not mean you just decide it's not the best course of treatment for anybody and everybody. Some bad experiences may be the exception. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing is guaranteed. Death is guaranteed, if you continue self-medicating! Rule out no option, try them all!!!
A lot of people are afraid to go to see even a general practitioner, out of fear of needles or they can't swallow pills. There is always some excuse to avoid something critically needed to initiate our recovery. The hell with inconvenience!
You need to first determine whether your depression is a chemical imbalance; or whether it stems from hormonal changes in your body. If it might be due to a switch in prescriptive birth-control, or the wrong combination of medications. Only a general practitioner and psychiatrist can make diagnosis and prescribe medicinal therapies that may correct these problems.
You can talk to counselors until you're blue in the face; but if you require medical evaluation and a drug therapy, you are wasting valuable time. I never tell OP's not to take their prescribed medicines or justify avoidance of therapies that may be exactly what they need. If you can't afford private care; then you have no choice but to use the mental-healthcare and medical healthcare provided under socialized medicine. Time is critical!
Institutionalized rehabilitation and counseling will absolutely be necessary if you are abusing drugs and alcohol. Death is an eminent threat, if such behavior continues. I'm sorry some people have had their negative experiences with the "system;" but you obviously aren't doing well without it. You can pay out of pocket, and still get an incompetent crock for a doctor.
As in all cases in medicine, and the medical profession; results may vary. The system may suck, but excuse me; some people actually get better from the same system you may find incompetent.
You aren't in the frame of mind to decide for yourself what course of treatment isn't good for you. Your illness is doing all the thinking, your rational mind isn't. You need to seek every available option to save yourself; or you will become just another unfortunate statistic. Another poor soul who has fallen through the cracks; because they just gave-up, decided no one could help them; or they just didn't like going to the doctor.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (5 October 2014):
You post from the UK. Unfortunately access to NHS psychiatric services is very limited in certain areas of the country and you will really have to be very mentally unwell before you are taken on by your psychiatric servicesYour GP probably won't refer you to the psychiatric services until he has tried certain things him/herself. You need to keep going back to the GP regularly explaining that the treatment he/she has prescribed is not working.My own experience of the NHS psychiatric services is that a psychiatrist doesn't do very much either except for prescribe different medications. If you mean that you need a "talking therapy" instead of/as well as medication, psychiatrists don't offer this although they may refer you to counsellor.If it is a talking therapy you want, you may be able to access short term counselling without a formal referral. Your G.P can give you the number. (Steps2Wellbeing is an example of a company that provides this service) The counselling provided is usually centered around a CBT model (Cognitive behavioural therapy.) Some large employers will offer access to simlilar talking therapies via their occupational health department. Unfortunately this is only a short term therapy (6 -12 weeks) but it's more than enough for some people and it's free.Subsidised talking therapies may also be provided by certain charities. Al-anon (for the partners of alcoholics) and Cruse (bereavement care) may be able to point you in the right direction. You will probably be expected to make some sort of monetary contribution to the charityIn the UK, where we get very comfortable with having a free health care service, people often baulk at the idea of having to pay for a treatment but sometimes it's worth shelling out for something. Why not look for a private therapist or counsellor? That's what I ended up doing when the NHS were not able to provide anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Tisha-1 i have thought about joining a support group but i'm scared. I went to a support group years ago called al/anon when my mum had a nervous breakdown and turned to drinking. It was a huge comfort to not be alone and have people who understood what i was going through at the time but i only ever attended once. This is something i have been looking into doing. Thankyou. Radner i definitely suffer with this. I have him on a pedestal and i always have although if i am completely honest i know he is or was just a messed up person with heaps of charm. I could not give up that illusion i had of him and nothing he did turned me away. Thank You WiseOwlE thank you i know you are right.I am completely empty. My spirit died with him i think.Im way too scared to make a change and i know its me holding myself back. I know i could be doing so much more but i find everything an effort. Going to work is about all i can manage and even that is a huge effort. Thankyou for you kind and helpful input.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 October 2014):
 http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk
Go find a meeting so you can get support from people whose lives have been affected by someone else's alcoholism.
If you're self-medicating then maybe it would also be helpful for you to find an AA meeting yourself. Or ask the al-anon people for a better suggestion for yourself.
Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): Stockholm syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger
endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.
Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other." One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual's response to trauma in becoming a victim. Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself. When a victim believes the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be perceived as a threat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2014): You are human and should feel grief and sadness for the tragic death of someone close to you.
Of course your family will not share the feeling of loss; because they know him only for what he was. An alcoholic. You're not empty simply from grief, you are damaged and traumatized from living with an alcoholic. He has drained your spirit.
Stop the self-medicating. Mixing alcohol and drugs is slow suicide. You should check into rehab. That is, if you wrote for advice you'd follow, and not just to vent.
People with addictions do a lot of damage to people around them. The closer you are, the more destruction they can do to your life.
Yes, you do need to see a psychiatrist. They will not prescribe medicine unless they diagnose a disorder that requires it. If they give you medicine you don't need, they are unethical.
I think you are already under treatment for clinically diagnosed mental-health issues; and you are abusing prescribed sedatives which is contributing to your state of depression and despair.
I hope someone intervenes if you don't stop. You're reaching out for help.
Please contact the 24-hour help hotline in the UK at 08457 90 90.
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