A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married women last year i had an affair with a man i work with his wife found and he told me that it was over between us,how can he say this when he told me he was going to leave her and he loved me all the time we spent together he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me and look after me he even was going to take me with my daughter who is 3 years old,my husband forgave me and a few months past then i got pregnant(its my h/b)i have since had my baby but i dont want to be with my husband i want my lover.I have text and rang his phone he answered once and told me to leave him alone he made a mistake and loves his wife i said how can you love her when you have cheated on her more than once he just said he was wrong to do what he done and he is glad his wife has forgiven him.I then sent his wife a letter with all the texts he sent me and told her everything he said about her i know i should not have done this but i want to be with him,she phoned me and said i know everything and you are a spitful bitch and even if she left him it would not last with you and she has her reasons why she,s staying with him.I love him and knows he loves me so why wont he leave her like he said he would i will give him what he says she never did why stay with her if he was so unhappy?He made me feel special and he knew that my own marriage was not going well and i would have left it all for him we even made plans he said thats what he wanted to, now he wont talk to me or answer his phone what can i do?
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female
reader, Tanyalynn69  +, writes (9 July 2012):
I am single, I got caught up in a sitiation with a married man as well. Yes, they can make you believe they will be with you. The man I saw was honest "I cant make you any promises".
We met after his son, whom he didn't know, my first true love was murdered 27 years ago. It was by accident, and sadly through his wife lv Ancestry.com that we met. This was just very recent. His son died in 1985. I knew it wouldn't last, but started falling in love. He is an ordained pastor to top it off. So, it hurt him in that he felt he couldn't pray or go to church. He broke it off. I have cried for days. All the years I couldn't let go of my murdered boyfriend, it seemed to us both that he brought us together. And no, falling for this man had nothing to do with his son. I had to ask myself that. Absolutely not! While the man definitely made the right choice, and I pray for him and his wife. He married her 32 years ago. They are both very miserable in theory marriage. It doesn't make an affair right. I beg God for forgiveness. I never have nor never will do it again with a married man. I've been the faithful wife, with a disloyal husband. It was extremely painful. He left me, and ran to her. She is married and in a different state, and of course it failed. The woman married to my former lover also had an affair on him. Regardless, two wrongs don't make it right. And it was many years ago. Again, he made the right choice, especially as a pastor. But it doesn't take the pain away. And the worse part. It was unprotected sex. I'm not one to sleep around, and he's a married pastor, but our last time together, I do.f out he has HEP C. My mom just died of that. A horrific death. Now I won't know for 6 months. My payback for sleeping with a married man, and a pastor.
A
female
reader, LifeCoach +, writes (30 May 2010):
Best advise is to suck it up and move on! You both were wrong with having an affair! Now you have to bare the truma and consuquenses of your actions. Never get into a relationship when the previous one is not ended.. Very simple.. All these people are being selfish Including your self... You hang onto your previous man (husband) and go out shopping to see if there's anyone better... Then you pounce and caught in a web... Learn from your mistakes and don't do it again!!
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A
female
reader, Alisa +, writes (1 July 2009):
I am in your shoes. The wife knew about the affair and didn't care. He knows that she knew. He wants to beleive that he is working on the marriage. I never wanted him to leave his wife. I truly believe she will leave him. They moved to another state, and he didn't even say goodbye. Take comfort that you are the lucky one. He didn't leave his wife, but because he has been lying to you, and her chances are they are not happy. Don't call him anymore. The more you want him, the more he doesn't want you. Trust me he will cheat on her again. Leave your husband. Life is to short to be unhappy. People are always telling people to work on their marriages. Once someone went outside their marriage is over anyway. People would rather see you unhappily married, then happily singled.
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A
female
reader, Alisa +, writes (1 July 2009):
I'm going thru a similiar situation at this time. In my case the wife known, and when her husband told her, because they were moving, she played like she didn't know. I wasn't the usual mistress. I could call his house. He even brought his kids around. We even went on a trip,a month before they left. I never wanted him to leave his wife for me. She didn't want him, but wasn't ready to just leave until she finished school. Even after he told her about us, because he was insecured about her leaving him once they moved. She didn't care. He decided to cut me out of his life on his own. He is trying to keep her. I was hoping he call me, just to see if he cares. He probably won't, so I'm getting on with my life. The truth is we were more friends, than lovers. So I thought! Don't call him anymore, beleive me the wives don't make out. After you forgive a man for cheating on you, when he gets you back to where he wants you it will be another mistress. You are the lucky one. He's not happy with his wife, because if he was he wouldn't been looking for you. Let your husband go. Life is too short to be in unhappy marriages. Social pressures make people stay in bad marriages. People rather see people unhappily married, then happily singled.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): You want a man that has now made his choice, unfortunately he did not choose you. You may be hurting but what about the hurt your husband and this man's wife are feeling.
Have some pride and walk away from this with dignity. You are in a unhappy marriage, had an affair, then had your husband's baby and still unhappy. You have tried to destroy and humiliate his wife by sending her the letter. What did you hope to achieve by this. Did you think he would come running back to you. This back fired and you cannot handle it.
You wanted this man to save you from your marriage, he came to his sense just in time and BROKE OFF THE AFFAIR, which you cannot handle. You need to move on. You are not happy with your husband and I don't think you will change your mind. So divorce him to go and find someone who will love and honour him. You are not being fair to him by living with him. I am sure he is a good father and a good husband ( he forgave you for the affair). You are disrespecting him and when you disrespect someone there is no love so please let him move on. It will be hard for him but he deserves happiness. Life is so short to be miserable and you are clearly miserable.
You come across as being very insecure, and troubled. You need to move beyond this devastating affair and yes this affair has devastated you. Millions like you that embark on an affair hoping for greener pastures is just a dream. This man has chosen his marriage (90% of the time the men go back to their wives). Your children will be suffering as you go through this emotional roller coaster. It is not fair to them. You are so emotionally troubled that you are hoping he is coming back. HE IS NOT. If you need to go for counselling then please seek help and work on your self esteem. Yes, he told you he loved you, but he doesn’t love you anymore. Respect his decision and do not humiliate yourself anymore. You still have to work with this man. How do you deal with this? You are in such a sad place right now. End this misery, you still can make things right. You cannot have your lover!!! He doesn't want you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): I have been in your shoes precisely and you will get judged but from my side of things I understand your hurt. Trouble is we as women (married or not) are gullible to believing men will be there for us no matter what. Men are practical and often cowardly and it is a well known fact that married men rarely leave their wife for the 'other woman'. Being the other woman is about low self esteem on your part or deep unhappiness - it might not necessarily be your relationship but something else that leaves you empty and this affair filled that gap. It will hurt but trust me (and I won't lie it took 6 - 12 months to be fully over it) I can see it for what it was now and it is hard to get over the whole sordid thing - lust. Leave him to sort his own marriage out now he has made his choice and it is not a competition for you to see if he might come back to you - maintain some dignity. This woman (his wife) will be suffering and so are you - so actually this guy has no respect for either of you in the end and he knows it. He has the bigger prison sentence now - guilt. Please try and fill the void with positive things for yourself - set yourself new goals to distract your mind as much as you can and start socialising again. I took up Ceroc dancing (like Salsa) and this helped me feel feminine again and have fun without needing to get involved with another man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): YOU are a bunny boiler who needs help to see reality. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND what he has told you? He stayed with his wife and has told you what he wants GET THE MESSAGE QUICKLY, I hope your husband see's through you and gets to hell out quickly. This other man has seen sense, learned by his mistakes and has done what is right for him and his wife. YOU had another child and still want to be someones bit on the side, get a grip, you need help serious help. LEAVE him and his wife alone, in fact book into to the clinic and sort out what is wrong with you before you waste away with these feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): If you truly love him than you would leave him and his family alone! I realize you are hurting but that is the risk you take when getting involved with a married man. Married men always tell their mistress they will leave thier wife, but seldom do. He was using you!
Now, please put yourself in his wife's place...she is hurting as well. They have a lot of healing to do, and so do you! Learn from this situation, and next time, think before getting yourself in such a position.
I wish healing for everyone involved!
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