| A
female
age
41-50,
*arcastic_chick13
writes: Dear Cupid,I married my high school sweetheart. We were together for 11 years total and have three children together. He was abusive both mentally and physically and had a severe substance abuse problem. I kicked him out over 5 1/2 years ago. After he got clean and straightened his life out we became frienly again. He sees the kids every weekend, but doesn't help much financially and calls me everyday. He has always expressed an interest in getting back together, but I have always refused.In the last few months I started dating again and about two weeks ago, met someone very special. My ex figured out something was going on when I wasn't home as much as usual. He asked if I was seeing someone and I answered honestly. Since then he has brought up on several occasions that this really upsets him. Today, he asked why I couldn't try fixing what is wrong with us before I looked for love with someone else.Although, I care for him, I am afraid of him treating me the same as before and I am not sure that I love him anymore. Should I stay strong and not go back to him or give him another chance?Thanks,Chick
View related questions:
drugs, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sarcastic_chick13 +, writes (13 January 2007):
sarcastic_chick13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help. I appreciated all of your input and it helped me believe in my decision making abilities a little more. I know in my mind and heart, that my ex is not the one that I want to be with. I told him that I am proud of all the positive changes that he has made for himself, but that I can't be the reason that he makes these changes. Ultimately, we are both better off this way.
He seems to be understanding a little better and we are both focusing and being the best parents we can be and remembering that our children are the most important things in our lives.
Thanks again for reminding me to believe and trust in myself!!!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): I agree with Lilly 100%, you don't need to go backwards in your life, but it is great that he is working on himself and tell him you are happy that he is doing well as his children need a dad they can depend on, so that is great for their sakes, but you do not need to give him another chance at this late date, you have moved on with your life and he is just going to have to accept it, and I bet he will too.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 You say, "Although I care for him, I am afraid of him treating me the same as before and I am not sure that I love him anymore." Unless you can answer this question with an absolute, I love him and I KNOW he will never do this again, you should "stay strong, and not go back to him." He probably feels guilty that he treated you and the kids badly, he may have his substance abuse problem 'under control', but he has not gotten the "mental abuse issue" taken care of. If he had he would be accepting of your new social life, and understand that he cannot ask you to put your life on hold any longer while he catches up and gets himself together. He's laying a guilt trip on you. In addition, there is no promise that he won't abuse "substances" again. The relapse rate in pretty high in people that have addiction problems. I believe you are making a better choice by moving on with your life. By all means, let him see the children as long as it is healthy for them, MAKE him contribute financially (child support... something every parent signs up for when they bring a child in this world, whether they want to or not!), and continue on as you have, making a new life for your self. Everytime you feel weak and discouraged, remember how horrible it was when he was in your life, and look for a new relationship that will not have this burden attached to it.
...............................
A
female
reader, bexherbs  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 hi chick babe,yes stay strong and keep telling yourself why the relationship was as it was.and remember drugs mm for me thats an excuse he should of taken the bull by the horns before now to straighten himself out! its hard staying strong when youve been in a abusive relationship but going back is a no no.be friends for the sake of the kids and any new guy that comes along deserves a chance he screwed up and you deserve happiness not past rubbish. and on a end note i not for you to try fixing whats wrong with you as a couple past tense thats for him to fix in his own life...stay strong and enjoy what you have in your life now x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): Hey Always remember you have done everything all on your own for 5+ years and he duznt support u or ur kids much finacialy either. He is ur ex husband for a reason, and don't forget that. it myt seem like gettin back with him and giving him another chance is a gd decision but is it the best one for u and ur kids. This man abused you and thats just not right wether he has sorted himself out isnt for me 2 say but by the sounds of it you can do better and you have just started dating again this is a good start, get out find new people and see just how much better u are without him in your life and how much better men can be.Best of luk Laura
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): You should follow your heart. What is it telling you?You never said if you had divorced your husband or if you've just been separated during the time we was trying to get himself straightened out. Also, has he given you any indication that he still has abusive tendencies? You don't want to put yourself or your children in jeopardy. On the other hand, if he's gotten help and has really changed his ways, I'd hate to think the relationship is not worth saving. You have met another man, but he may come with his own issues/problems that you will discover later too.Only you can answer these questions and alot will have to do with whether or not you still love your husband enough to be with him again. Take it slow. His behavior will eventually reveal the truth.I wish you the best.
...............................
|
