A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend really wants us to start trying for a baby within the next few months but I don't feel ready for a child yet, even though I adore my step daughter and love spending time with her. It's just such a commitment, and I don't think I am ready for that yet.My boyfriend is 9 years older then me, and so he is ready to settle down, get married, have kids, get a mortgage etc whereas I am still learning about what I want. I do want all those things but not just yet.His daughter comes to us every weekend, and if I'm not working we spend the day together, as a family unit. It's great, and I love all the things that involves doing things for her, like school events and such, but at the end of the day, she isn't my daughter so I don't have that pressure that her parents do. I love my boyfriend, I truly do. Best three years of my life but he doesn't seem to see things how I do. He keeps asking me why I don't want to get married or look at buying a home together, ( he already owns), but when I try to explain to him that I'm only 24 and I don't know if right now I want those things, he gets upset. I feel guilty almost that he wants those things with me, but I don't, not for a while yet. He hasn't asked me to marry him as such, but he keeps dropping hints, and I have told him I don't want him to propose yet. This baby matter is different though. His sister had a baby three months ago and ever since it's all he talks about. His daughter is 8, so he doesn't want a huge age gap, which is fine but a few more years wouldn't matter. Please help me find a way of explaining all of this to him without him thinking it's because I don't want any of this, just not right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): Tell him what you really want and stand firm. If he's man enough to have a baby and marry, he's man enough to respect your needs. Btw, he already knows you don't want to marry and have kids right now and he doesn't care. That's why he keeps pressuring you anyway. I would dump him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2014):
 You write:
" when I try to explain to him that I'm only 24 and I don't know if right now I want those things, he gets upset."
That is outright manipulation or emotional blackmail. He gets upset because he can't press a button and BAM! you want a baby? Or a mortgage?
How long have you BEEN together?
Give him a timeline (if you can).
Such as I don't want to have kids til after 25-26 - I want to achieve XYZ first, I want to travel, whatever YOUR goals are.
He can not PUSH a child on you because it would be CONVENIENT for HIM and HIS child to have one now. I think he got broody because of his sister. (yes men can get broody too).
But this can be the reality of dating someone a decade older. And he MUSt realize that YOU not being ready is the REALITY of him dating someone a decade YOUNGER than him.
If HE wants to buy a house, then why doesn't he?
My advice, DO NOT have a baby because HE wants one. If he can't understand that you are NOT ready, then there is a problem here. And I would say, if you believe in marriage, don't have a kid til after marriage.
He needs to LISTEN to you. Not get upset when YOU have a mind of your own.
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