A
female
age
36-40,
*littlebroken
writes:I am feeling really distraught at the moment. After 2 years of being together, me and my partner decided to end the relationship. This was a mutual break up, as we just weren't compatible. Throughout the relationship we have really respected each other, always trusted each other and really looked after one another. It was a normal, relationship, we never played games or hurt each other, our families got on. We just decided that we were better off as friends; as neither of us felt that we were each other's "the one".Since the break up we have had no choice but to carry on living together for a while (due to the house contract). However, it ends end of June. He has been away for most of the time we lived together since the breakup, with work, and he's been away to see his family which has made it easier to try and move on. We have a dog together and I have always felt that he is like a member of my family because we have always been close and I had hoped we would stay friends. We have been broken up about 3 months.However, the other day he told me that he has been seeing another girl for a month. He has been going out with his work friends and inviting her along as she also works with him. He has kissed her every time he has seen her. He said he thinks she is the one. It also worries me that I don't know how long he has liked her for, because he works quite closely with her.Although the break up was mutual, I have felt very distraught about this. He has been away for a week and he has said he has really missed not seeing this girl. To be honest, I feel shocked that I am even upset but I feel deeply hurt. I have been crying non stop. It makes me feel like he has moved on so quickly and that our relationship meant nothing, even though we had a very loving and nice relationship. He also told me that he will be moving in with his work friends as of next week. Which means I will have to live on my own in OUR house for a month which is going to be so depressing. It also makes me feel sick that he will now have a place where he can sleep with this girl which by the sounds of things is going to happen very soon. I just feel so angry that he seems to be moving on so quickly after 2 years with me. It really makes me feel completely worthless. To be honest if he was to go out dating and have meaningless sex it would hurt me a lot less. I just don't know what to do or how to get over this- I am not ready for him to move on. Ofcourse I would never try and stop him because I love him dearly and want him to be happy. However, the girl he is seeing is also in the process of a divorce after 12 years of marriage which just makes me feel like he will be her rebound and I don't want him to get hurt but I guess I have to let him make his own mistakes.I moved with him to another city because he got a job promotion and made a lot of sacrifices for him during our relationship. Now he is saying he doesn't even want to see our dog anymore (who he really really loves). He is saying he still wants to be friends but I just find it weird that he no longer wants to see his dog, to me that suggests that he wants to see me as little as possible as the dog will be living with me. Previous to this relationship with me, he was single for 7 years out of choice as before that he was in a 3 year relationship and he wanted to have moved on before he got with someone else. He is an intelligent person with integrity and very good morals so I am just completely shocked that he has moved on this quickly- I assumed he would wait at least half a year because I thought I had meant something to him. I have been on a few dates but will not be looking for anything serious for a very long time and I think that is out of respect for him aswell because what we shared was very special. I just feel like I am going to be completely on my own in this new city. He is my best friend and I don't know many people here. I just feel very let down, and ofcourse once the girl becomes his proper girlfriend she will not want him texting his ex. So what should I do? I feel utterly distraught. Should I do my best to move on and leave this guy to it and cut him out of my life? Or should I be supportive and a good friend even though it cuts me up? If any guys are reading this... What is this guy thinking? Did I really mean that little to him? Do guys just move on much quicker?
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best friend, divorce, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Sounds to me that you really did not want to end the relationship with him. All he is doing is what you agreed upon. You broke up, your realtionship is over. If you are feeling this way, it is obvious that you still care about him in a relationship way, not just friends. So wht if he started to date someone else, you can't tell when you are going to meet someone. Maybe he relly likes her? Sometimes this happens. I went crazy over my wife when we first met. i loved her after about a month. Sounds to be like you are feeling the effects of making a mistake. Youy can either lick your wounds or amke an attempt to get him back, but you need to do so before he moves out, otherwise leave him alone!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Dear you. You can not be friend with an ex right away. You can be friends only after you are over him and have had the time to heal. Whether you believe it or not, he would probably feel just as uncomfortable should you suddenly be in a relationship.
You can't be friends with him right now because the wound is still open, you haven't healed. In this time period, seeing him with another woman, hearing about him being with another, wondering how long he has had feelings for her, it all hurts you! He shouldn't have ever told you about her out of respect to you. I suggest you tell him how this makes you feel, and therefor you would appreciate it if he kept his lovelife to himself for a while.
He also sounds as if he's quite a bit older than you, same with this woman he has started dating. She can hardly be a little girl after being married for 12 years. They might be a better match as they are closer in age. However this doesn't mean you meant nothing to him. How fast someone moves on doesn't say anything about the level of seriousness of the past relationship.
Anyway, your problem here is that you can't have him as your best friend. You need to cut the cord and find new friends and not cling to this man. Stay friendly by all means, but the "best buddy" chatting needs to stop. You are too vulnerable to hear the details of his new love life, and likewise I believe he's not able to be a friend to you since .. well, you're his ex. There's still move feelings involved other than pure friendship. With time you can get closer again, but now is not the time to be close. Now is the time to get some space between you and him.
You wont be alone in the house, you have the dog. Start looking for somewhere else to live, possibly move back to where you have more friends and family. Stay friends, but no longer best buddies.
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A
female
reader, freebird  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Hi,
I guess you should just move on and stop contacting him for a while. Only when you get a breathing space you would be able to fully move on and stay friends.
Do you suspect that he has been having an affair with this girl prior to your break up? You seem to have not internalised the reality of the break up fully. Why do you expect him to wait for half a year before getting into a relationship? It depends on circumstances,right? You can meet 'the one' the next day after a break up or after 10 years.
take it easy..You will be able to sail through this and move on...
Love
fb
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