A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very good friends with a male friend whom I've known since the last 15 years and is an important part of my life. My male friend and I are very close and have had feelings for each other but never got around to voicing them. We both have been emotional supports to each other in the past.We used to hug n kiss each other a lot but it never went beyond that. Thereafter for higher studies he went abroad and fell in love with a girl there which eventually did not work out. He mentioned her to me and came back but by that time I had moved on with life, got married and had a kid. Eventually he too got married and had a child. We lost touch with each other for over 2 years and recently got in touch with each other over phone. He confessed recently that after he came back from abroad and before he got married he wanted to take our relationship further from where we'd left off but he didn't say anything since by that time I'd already got married. I'm separated since the last 3 yrs and talking about the past has somewhat bonded us closer to each other at both levels-emotional and intellectual. We have been flirting a lot over the phone too and intend to meet up soon. We both found out that we are still very much attracted physically to each other. Tell me what to do as I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to lose the emotional and intellectual bond between us, don't want to lose his friendship and neither do I want to end up hurting his wife and child in any way.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 You are not going to get any support from the aunts on this, except for the goofball ones. You have crossed the lines of decency and need to back off. Only hurt and destruction on all sides lie ahead if you continue with some of the victims being TOTALLY innocent. Be a good role model for your child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): stop this emotional affair immediately, you may not realise it but you have compromised yourself and you are the OW in his marriage.
does his wife know about your emotional affair, you say that you do not ant to hurt her, yet you are already breaking her marriage. already the flirting has started, you both admit to being physically attracted to each other. Respect the marriage and his wife and his child. He may not respect his marriage but you can show that you are better than him. After all YOU WILL BE BRANDED THE HOMEWRECKER, not him. Is that what you want. You need to disengage yourself from this man, you are just a fraction away from having a sexual encounter with him. Therafter welcome to the pitiful world of the OW, the anxiousness of when will he leave his wife, why isn't he calling etc. It is not too late, sever all ties with this man, you call it a bond when in reality it is an AFFAIR. Thus far you have been the unintentional OW, NOW THAT YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF AS AN INTRUISION, AND REALISE THAT YOU ARE INDEED THE OW, will you end this farce called friendship when it is an affair.
There are many men out there that are good decent human beings, who will not carry on with another female for 3 yrs and pass it off as just friendship. This man is stealing your freedom and your years, do not let him continue.
If he really wants to persue a relationship with you, then he must first LEAVE HIS WIFE AND CHILD. Once he is free then he is game, then you can continue, otherwise, stay away from him.
Good luck, you need it because of the investment in him. It is not too late but you need to make a choice about your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): You have to honor his commitment. His obligation is to his wife and children need you to honor them; stand as the one for the right. Put your desires to the side and choose to be a respectful and kind person.
If you were his wife, how would you feel toward him knowing all the things he and his girl-friend have done? What would you do? Would you have wished that girl told you? Left you all alone? What is the right thing to do?
Keep the "bond" and lose your integrity. Lose the bond and gain integrity.
There are a lot of great men out there and they aren't married.
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