A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband are both musicans or I thought we were. Ten years ago when I met my mate he wanted to date me and be in a band together. Slowly after about 7 years of performing together it seemed like he no longer wanted to do music anymore. He slowly stopped promoting,and up dating the website and even didn't bother renewing the copywrite to the band name. He stated a long list of excuses of why he no longer wanted to perform and promote the band. The one thing that was a HUGE bond in our lives has been reduced to jamming 2-3 times a year with friends. How can I weed through the excuses and find the real reason he no longer wishes to perform? I feel betrayed and depressed about it. If I start my own band without him and practice at our house I will feel like I am cheating on him. what does cupid think of that? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): Thanks aunty EM, Yes the rest of our relationhip is fine except he won't stand up to his mother when she is being abusive. That is the only thing. He will go out and sing karaoke but shows no interest in pulling out an instrument to play
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): People do naturally move onto other interest and passions and phases in their lives. it can be natural or a response to something else going on in their heads. either way they should be allowed to change.
maybe he's burned out? maybe he's had his fill of the music business and wants to try something else?
why shoulnd't you continue to make music but find a new set of bandmates? it will be an opportunity for you to do something new too.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Whats the rest of your relationship like?
Whats day to day life like with him? Are you both still in love? Is he loving towards you in other respects?
Maybe he has just lost interest in the music side of things...people do change as they get older and they want to try new things.
Feeling betrayed is a fairly acute and intense emotion...do you feel betrayed over other things that he does? Is it just about the music?
Perhaps examine your relationship as a whole and ask him or get a good friend to ask him what is really bugging him.
If he feels like it is a safe environment and he won't be attacked or judged, perhaps he will open up and you can discover what is really going on with him.
Starting your own band is not a bad thing at all...you are entitled to your life and to do things that you enjoy. Maybe he could take another role, like manager or equipment organiser or promoter?
Try to reduce your fear and worry for a while and give him space and time to open up...see what happens.
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