A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am a seventeen year old girl. I am getting really fed up with my mum! She is constantly on at me about stupid things (apparently I'm lazy (I do all the housework), fat (bit of a podgy stomach but I am happy with it, why can't she be?). She is telling me not to go outdoors these days as I look "ugly" with a tan. Whenever I have an argument with my brother she always sides with him, no matter how unreasonable he is being. She always snoops around in my room, taking my stuff(which I pay for myself from my wages:makeup, hair styling products etc..I don't mind her using it occasionally she is my mum after all, but she uses extreme amounts and I NEVER HAVE ANYTHING LEFT). She tries to look for my diary, she even demands to look at my phone (msgs). Lately she is into criticising my style, the things I wear, the way I stand ("you look like a whore" is a popular one with her) and I still have to ask her permission to go out with my friends. Basically she is being very immature. I don't know what to do! Some of you will say "talk to her about it"..guess what?? Been there, done that. There is simply no reasoning with the woman.What do I do??
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Most people are going to tell you, your mum snoops because she loves you, you're over reacting because of your age, and you must have misunderstood her when she said mean things. You probably feel like no one understands what you're going through.
There are parents out there that are abusive in subtle ways like this. It is called emotional and verbal abuse for a reason.
You need to protect yourself. Have two diaries; one in your room (decoy) and one that she can't get at, on a password protected computer, and/or at school, usually works. Write everything that happens in your home that makes you feel bad. Don't skip the details, dates, exact words, and who else was there.
Take (a copy not the original) it to your school counselor or church leader, and talk to them about getting help. Once you have an adult in your corner talk to relatives you trust or friends, and move out.
It helps to get another adult to back you up, against a world of adults giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
There are adults who do understand, don't give up they are out there. GOOD LUCK!!
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 If you are unhappy with the way she treats you then I would suggest you get out! Unfortunately these sorts of arguments are common between older children and parents. What you have to remember here is we are only hearing your side of the argument honey. I am sure if we asked your Mum she would have many things to say to.
I don't think you will like my advice but as you have stated you are 17 and you can't TALK to her because it doesn't seem to be working. (I wonder why? I think probably because neither of you listen to each other and it descends into a screaming match!) So I suggest you look for a bedsit or flat of your own...or a house share with a freind and get your own space.
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 ok sorry i didnt see the bit of you being 17, but still i hope iv helped in some way :)
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A
female
reader, lisa_01 +, writes (26 May 2006):
Well i dunno really what to say about this one, I think mostly id like to know how old you are?.
I think all teenagers do house work for there parents, i know when i lived with mine there was certain things i was responsable for. All parents snoop into there kids things, im pretty sure my mum use to read my diary and my phone messages, i dont know why they do it but dont worry your not alone.
You say she called you fat? are you sure your not misinterpreting her?, she maybe just worried and does not want her child to be unhealthy and get sick. You also said she does not want you to go out of the house because of your tanned skin?, maybe she is worried your getting far to burnt and does not want you to get cancer or something.When it comes to her using your stuff, maybe hide your stuff or simple ask her not to use as much.
The fact she called you a whore is also very strange.
i think maybe your mother might be into drugs or something or maybe stressed,is family life diffcult for your mother, or work? also another question if you dont mind me asking is, how long has she been this way towards you? and she is like this towards your other sibilings?
you also stated that you still have to ask permission to go out wiht your friends, well i just have to say that if your over 18 its non of your mother business your an adult and you can visit who you want, if say your 17 then yes you should have freedom to see your friends but id still ask if it was ok to leave mostly just to be polite and well if your one of those 14 yr olds that thinks there an adult and can do waht they want then no you need to ask if yu can visit friends or not. I think over all you may wnt to speak to someone else older about this problem so they can evaluate the situation and give you more advice on were to take this, i mean if it is bad as you say it is maybe talk to social services or maybe ask another relative if you can stay with them for awhile, you need to do something and it needs to involve another adult because if she can talk to you this way and you cant talk with her because she is so immature then she is not going to take you serious and she needs someone to renforce to her that what she says to you is not ok. Or if you get really stuck call Dr.Phil
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Do you have a father or someone who lives with you, another adult? Could they help in some way?
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