A
female
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anonymous
writes:I find my boyfriend very aggresive and I'm worried about breaking it to him that we're over. He would never hurt me but he shouts a lot and punches walls and stuff. I'm not used to this (my parents are very passive in arguments) and I sometimes laugh with nervousness, which just makes him worse. I've never been scared he'd hurt me but I don't really like confrontation with him, he's too emotional and aggressive. Any ideas of how I can do this the quickest and most pain-free way? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bwitched +, writes (5 September 2006):
Hi Honey....
Well this sounds like me a few years ago. If he punches walls he could miss one day and punch you instead. From your letter I see that you already made a decision to end it... Way to Go!!!! :) You have to stick to it and stand firm, because if he is desparate enough he will use any trick under the sun to get you back....including emotional black mail.
Surround yourself with people that love and support you like your folks and/or your friends, and as much as possible try to distance yourself from him.
Oh! and keep in mind that Love does not know hurt, and if you feel threatend in anyway its bordering on obsession...and that is very dangerous.
Keep strong honey, hang in there I know its tough.
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (4 September 2006):
 I have a feeling that you want to split up with him because of another reason other than his temper? I think that you should perhaps find a public place to break up with him and keep it calm. Although he may not take the news well, he may not react as badly as you expect. If you let someone know where you'll be and when, perhaps they could wait somewhere close by and come to meet you after so you don't have to be alone?
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (4 September 2006):
 The sooner you get away from this jerk, the better. He's trying to control you with his aggressive behavior. Phone him or email him and tell him it's over and that you don't want him coming near you. If he persists, call the police. Change your phone number if you have to. Just don't let him back into your life. Unlike wine, violent behavior doesn't improve with age. . . and you can't change him. Leave this neanderthal back in the stone ages, where he belongs. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Its good that he wont hurt you physically that is one good thing, but do you know that being with a man who is acting like this will also affect your emotion' and it will affect your heart badly. It is ok if you can handle it more longer' but for how long? are you gonna sacrifice your whole life for this? I also know some person like that' and i tell you what' It is very, very hard to be with this kind of person they are so difficult and even they promise that they will change' forget about it' this attitude is hard to change.so dont wait so long dear' stop dealing with this person' it will kill you slowly. Think about it'
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): I take it you know for sure you wish to break up with him?
You need to remember this because you are probably going to encounter some very strong behaviour and resistance from him begging you to change you mind, to give him another chance, and that he will never be violent or aggressive again.
You need to stay strong and stick to your decision no matter how much he pleads.
I think you shouldn't be so sure he won't harm you. Epecially when he finds out you are leaving him.
Desperate people will sometimes do desperate things to keep hold of the things they don't want to loose.
You should ideally confide in a friend, maybe your Dad?
Tell him in a quiet, public place and then tell him that you think it is best that you do not contact each other, AT ALL, for a good while until you have both spent some proper time apart.
If you live together, bring Dad or someone else with you to get your belongings.
Show strength, so that he knows there is no doubt in your voice. This way he is more likely to accept your choice.
Good luck ok?
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (4 September 2006):
 At least you know that he will never hurt you physically. I think that you should sit him down and just tell him that you are over, tell him that you cannot handle his aggressiveness any more. If he gets in a strop and starts hitting walls and stuff your best bet is to just get out of his way and let him get on with it. He will soon calm down. Lets face it you don't want to be with him anymore and no matter how you try and end it he will still react in the same way. So just get it over with. Goodluck hunny
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