A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I am not sure what to say to my partner as I am starting to feel a little used since I have moved in with my boyfriend.Moved in with my boyfriend about a month or so ago and then he went on holiday with some of his mates leaving me to look after the house and the dog.I have started a new job now as a reporter and, at the moment anyway, we are still working from home. So, I am not getting out as much as initially hoped.However, since he has been back from holiday, he almost always wants to go out with his friends. I am all for him spending time with his friends, but I am starting to find it a little unfair now. It was a lovely day on Sunday and he asked me to nip around the shop to get some stuff for dinner. He was quite pushy with me going to the shop too. When I came back, he told me that he made plans with his friend and was going around to his for a drink and a catch-up. We had our dinner and he pretty much just left straight after finishing. As I said before, it was a lovely, sunny day and I was left looking after the dog again as well as tidying up. He did not really specify I could come, but made it clear that he was looking forward to a guy catch-up.Yesterday, he came home from work and wasn't overly affectionate towards me but then told me he was going around to the Lifeboat that he does volunteering with because they had a helicopter. He was aware that he was not going to get on, but just wanted to chill and hang out with the guys there.Left having dinner, tidying and looking after the dog for a few hours once again myself after being stuck in the house - jumping around and looking after the dog whenever I had the chance on top of getting the hang of a new job.He has always liked going out with his mates, but never to this extent and because he just states he is going out for a few,it often takes me by surprise. I have tried sorting things out with my friends, still just trying to find a good balance between our work schedules at the moment and the distance makes it a little difficult at times, but I am starting to feel trapped and quite lonely now. We never really go out just him and I, but when we do, he always wants to invite a squad of his friends around too. It just makes me feel like my company is not good enough for him. I am not a heavy drinker, never have been, and he knows that, but I just want him to value my company the way I do with him.I just don't know what to say to him without asking him not to see his friends. I am just getting a little sick of being a scullery maid and a dog watcher for him.I apologise if this came off as a bit of a rant.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2022): Have you told him how his actions make you feel? Because he might not realise and he is just carrying on with his life as it was before. Did he ask you to move in with him, or did you push for it? Was he ready to make the step? You should set some boundaries together, e.g. we will spend at least one weekend day doing stuff together as a couple and 3 evenings a week. Then stick to it. If he doesn't hold his side of the bargain then you know what you have to do. You could also make some plans of your own for days you know he is going to be out and that way you will feel less lonely.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2022): You were there on a trial basis. It was an experiment to see how you'd be treated as his woman, what direction the relationship would go once you were living together; and it was also a life-lesson about moving-in with people, when you don't know enough about them to make sure you're not placing yourself in a very inconvenient and unwholesome situation.
Don't fault yourself. You did what people usually do. You feel strongly enough for the guy that you gave it chance. You felt you had something meaningful enough to take the risk. Well, now you know. He's a d!ck! A certified jerk, and scam-artist.
He was looking for a maid he didn't have to pay, sex on-demand, and having hot meals waiting for him. He needs a second-mom, not a girlfriend.
If he's your age, well...he's got some catching-up to do. He suffers from arrested-development. Emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25. If he has reached or surpassed that milestone, the outlook for the future is bleak. Females supposedly reach maturity earlier; but that might be a less scientific or subjective opinion. You've got yourself a man-boy, or a baby-man. It's a sure sign that is the case, when he makes impulsive decisions, never finishes what he starts, doesn't know how to set priorities; and he lives in an adult body with an adolescent mind.
If you can't move home with your parents, save your money, find a female-roommate, and moveout.
People move-in together without really knowing where the relationship really stands. They feel living together will prove they're ready for the next step; or will guarantee monogamy. It's nice to know you can have sex whenever you want. It proves nothing, but it's as common as brushing your teeth. Living together was really meant for married-people, planning to have a family; but it has become a social norm to do it when you're an unmarried-couple. When it's a bust, there's less worry about a strenuous or costly divorce; and you get to keep all your stuff, when you're tired of each-other...and want to move-on and date other people. That's about the only benefit you get from it; when you're not committed enough to marry each-other.
Don't let this get you down, sweetheart. Take a little more time evaluating the guys level of maturity. Take note of how he generally treats you. If you feel respected, appreciated, and that your have a voice in your relationship; it might be worth a try. In your present situation, it might have been a hasty decision; but maybe you wouldn't have known what your relationship is truly made of, or where it was leading, unless you've tested it. Now you know, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2022): "I just want him to value my company the way I do with him."I can totally understand you feeling that way. BUT he doesn't. Does he? He values you as a cook and bottle washer. As a dog sitter. Some males, even fairly young ones, have a bad attitude towards women, in as much as they feel that once they have 'got you', they can treat you as some kind of live in maid. He KNOWS that he is treating you like shit. And, as long as he gets what he wants from the situation, he won't care. He doesn't care in fact. Yes, speak to him if you want, find out if he wants to change his ways. But I don't think you'll get much joy. Even if he makes the right noises at first, he'll probably go back to type. Because it seems to me that this was his plan all along. To get you moved in, looking after his dog and making his meals and then going out and pleasing himself, without giving a damn about you.Did you post before? I seem to remember a post similar to this one. Maybe you have to go through the motions first. Talk to him. See if anything changes etc, but then I hope you don't waste much time getting back to your old life without him, when he doesn't change. My belief is that this is how he intended to treat you all along. That he has outdated ideas about how men treat women. At least, I'd like to think they're outdated. That you stop at home whilst he goes out drinking. Oh dearie me, no. Show him that you are stronger than that. That you won't be treated like some little skivvy. That he can babysit his own damned dog and feed himself. Until he finds some other woman to do it for him. Will it be you? Or are you better than this?You're young and thankfully have lots of time to shake yourself off, grow a backbone and start again. Only this time, take your time before you put your trust into a man and move in with him. Find one who DOES value your company the way it should be valued. You're worth more than this. You know you are. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 June 2022):
 Ah, you got conned into being his maid and dogsitter. Even though your "title" is GF, he doesn't really think he needs to put in much effort with you anymore since you now live together.
Honey, you need a life. And you need to sit him down and tell him you feel USED BY him.
Maybe what you need to consider is that you moved in too quickly and you thought moving in together meant you would spend more time together but you aren't. He is out with friends more NOW because he has someone watch his dog (you).
If you don't speak up, nothing will change.
Now IF he dismisses how you feel and his own actions, you need to consider moving OUT asap and walking away.
Some guys find it VERY convenient to have a GF move in who is willing to cook and clean and (in your case) pet sit. He can now spend even MORE time with his mates because he doesn't have to worry about the dog being home alone.
Do you have friends? If not, why not?
If you do, START making plans to hang out with them too, If he wants you to stay watching the dog so HE can go out... that would be a no-go. You make plans with friends and if HE wants someone watching HIS dog, HE can stay home.
Doesn't sound like a very mature guy. He is taking you for granted 100%. but... YOU are allowing it. YOU are hoping that it will show him WHAT a great GF you are. That isn't really working for you.
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