A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27, my boyfriend is 26 and we've been together for almost a year. The relationship is serious and we've been talking of living together.I believe that a woman should not live indefinitely with a man unless they're planning to marry. I told him this and he tells me that he's not ready for marriage at this point in his life. I am not ready either and don't see it happening for myself in the next 4 years. I'm thinking of marriage after 30 or so. When we talked he said that marriage is something he looks forward to but it's not something he plans on doing soon. I agree with him.What I'm wondering at the moment is what I should do in these circumstances. I am not ready to marry anyone, nor is he, but I do want to move in with him sometime early nexy year.What I don't want to happen is that we move in together and plan to marry in the next 5 years but then the 5 years come and go and nothing happens. The thing is, no one can be sure of anything...and in the end I might be the one who doesn't want to marry him for example.I'd like to live in the moment but I also want to plan for the future. The only thing is, no one knows what will happen.I live with my mother (we share the homeloan) and he lives with his cousin. I don't want to live on my own but I also don't want to live with my mother into my 30s.What would be the best thing to do here? Move in with him and set a time limit for marriage? I was thinking of moving in with the condition that we're heading towards marriage...but he could easily agree and then change his mind down the track. What to do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 The easiest would be to lower your beliefs here and just live with him and see how it goes. Why shouldn't a man and woman live together without being married? Sure you and him have been doing "outside of marriage" things that according to beliefs shouldn't have been done. So in that respect you are already living in infidelity.
Or, you can have separate bedrooms in a new house together and not have sex with him until married. Would that solve your problem?
Your problem is self made by you. Don't move in with him if you don't want to marry him then. Easy as that. Or decide which is more important to you, your principles, or living with your boyfriend?
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