A
female
age
30-35,
*irchybabe15
writes:The father of my 18 month old daughter left me yesterday saying he needed to get away from me to better himself yet today he says he thinks hes made a mistake and wants 3 weeks break and then to return home. Hes been unemployed for basically 3 years and so have i but i recently took a voluntary job doing something i love and im also working towards a degree from home. in january his close friend admitted he was in love with me and i kept it to myself so not to upset my boyfriend and it drove my boyfriend mad when he found out. he had always been paranoid and overprotective but that lifted him to a new level. he came home one night to his friend in our room naked and me stood in the corner i know it sounds dodgey but i explained it and so did his friend basically his mate got kicked out of a girls house for moving to quickly and ran here thinking i was asleep on the sofa to get dressed i heard and went upstairs expecting it to be my partner and found his friend and then my boyfriend walked in. my boyfriend said he forgave me and he even said yesterday he knew nothing went on and that ive never cheated but he cant trust me. he rarely helps around the house and had a drugs habit which he recently quit. Our daughter went in to hospital in an ambulance a while back and despite me trying to make him come he stayed out with his friends. he seemed truly remorseful but he also took money from purse several times at one point he took 700 of our rent money. once again he was really sorry. i love him so much and dont wanna lose him plus we never argue in front of our daughter its just i feel hes putting his friends before his family. What should i do im only 18 and i know i shouldnt of had our daughter so long but i dont regret it and neither does he he is 20. he was seeing another girl when i was 9 months pregnant but he says nothing happened. What should i do please help? x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Sorry honeypie, but you need someone to reliable, or you need to find that strength to stand on your own..
Pain is fresh, you cry, you cry as much as you want. Today remember all the good times... But I want you to come back and remember all the bad times and all the times he made you worry and cry.
Cry if you need to, but keep eating well, get dressed, fix your face in the morning, and stay away from alcohol.. You still have a daughter to look after and your the only person she can depend on. I know it hurts right now, but it will not hurt like this forever.. go ahead and cry.. :(
A
female
reader, birchybabe15 +, writes (7 June 2010):
birchybabe15 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I always provide for my daughter turns out her dad is leaving me and not wanting me back thanks for all the help i am so upset as im packing up his stuff all the good memories keep flooding back and i can feel my heart breaking im so miserable. How is it the right thing when it feels so wrong?x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Just to make this clear my daughter gets the world! I give her everything she needs and more she is always the center of attention and there is no way I would even be bothering asking for advise if I thought her dad would stay the way he is now. I'm unsure if to trust hell change I know he can be a brill dad and boyfriend if he tried to be. I just feel the things he said are going to be hard to forget I just want to know if he's worth my time x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
OK... you spend all you money on this guy, what dose your daughter get?
She wants to introduce him to her friends, but he's too busy playing xbox to be bothered.
He's there, but he dosen't do anything, he dosen't help her with her homework, take her to school or anything..
What kind of life will you be giving her with this dead beat dad.. sure she's got a father, but what will her father do except ignore her, embarrass her, probably steal her pocket money and make her cry..
In my culture (Jamaican) a strong single mother alone, who has her family beside her and works to give her daughter everything, is more respected than a woman who stays with a useless man with no money, no work, and keeps saying "I'm in love"...
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A
female
reader, birchybabe15 +, writes (7 June 2010):
birchybabe15 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE - I rang him today about signing off JSA witch is basicaly money we get to live off the goverment and i rang him at one and he had been theree first thing in the morning to let them know. I feel like he couldnt wait to get the money into his own hands so that he could go out and party without even considering that me and his daughter would have a hard time with the house unkeep with out the extra money. Also on the phone all he spoke about was his xbox 360 being able to go online at his mums (which is where he is staying) i feel like hes only ended it to have fun with his friends since he is obviously not bettering himself by sitting around on the xbox. all my friends are telling me i deserve better but i still love him and i know that in 3 weeks chances are hell of gotten bored of his mates and want to come back. if i say no his mum will blame me and hate me and cara would top when she was older. i hate that i love him but i feel i cant win. what do you think is best for our daughter? she is all that truly matters to me. do you think i drove him away? i feel its my fault for getting close to his friend even though it was innocent. im scared ill always regret losing him. Thank you all for your answers i know i sound like im not taking any notice but im just scared because i never wanted to be a single mum and i always wanted to keep a family together because i never had that and i just want to have the best for my daughter please keep answering because your all helping me so much even if i dont sound like you are x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
mmmm... your right marieclaire, why keep him as a lover, £700, that's too expensive for even me... keep yourself free to find someone who treats you right.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
Sigh.. I was going say he's feeling down because he's unemployed and that makes him feel like a slob.. BUT
1. Took £700 from your purse
2. Didn't care enough to come and see his daughter in hospital
3. Cheated on you when you was 9months pregnant
This guy is bad news, I don't know if he can change, but at the moment he's dragging you down badly.. Let him take his break, you get on with your life and try to do the best for your daughter.. Best idea, keep him out of the house, and use him as a lover for whenever you get the sexual urge..
Honeypie, you and your daughter can do better than this guy.
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