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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for nearly 6 years my mother in law has never accepted me. She always puts me down as a person and a mother even though she neglected her two kids as children as she mostly drunk and used to shut her kids away yet she sits in her chair and gets on the moral highground about how to bring up children and how everyone is doing it wrong. When my husband is out of the room she is nasty to me and yet sometimes she'll come round and she won't open her mouth because she does not want to speak so we all just sit there in silence just looking at each other! She always has to be the centre of attention I am pregnant and if anyone mentions the baby she'll do something to get the attention back onto her for instance the other day she starting picking the skin off her face at a family do when the baby was mentioned so everybody made a fuss of her and stopped talking about the baby. Everytime she opens her mouth she offends with nasty comments but my husband always defends her. If she rings up to say she is coming round if we have something else already arranged we will have to cancel it for her to come round and either throw insults or sulk. I cannot cope no longer with the constant putdowns the atmosphere the only being able to speak in my own house when she is round when she allows me to and being told by my husband to just put up with it because that is the way it is. Can someone tell me how to deal with this I've just had enough her
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Oh my God...In Indian terms...O Bhagavan !!!
I thought the drama of MOTHER-IN-LOW AND SISTER-IN-LOW is only Indian culture, It is in joint family only... here it became news paper story materials all the time, but it is in western culture also???
Here is unnamed comment,"I have the worst mother in law. Want to trade?" In reply, I can say, ' we can organize international trade also !!!
Well, ask mother in low to join this site and started advice business, such business will keep them busy,made them little creative, and you all wives will feel freedom from mother in low's negative mentality. Am I right?
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female
reader, notguilty  +, writes (14 January 2010):
Omg I've read all of them. I am in the same boat, mil and sil issues. They are both jelouse of me, they don't wish for their son to have a car or buy a house cuz I'll benefit from it too. They copy everything I do. They don't like my daughter who happen to be their son's daughter too. They are evil ppl. I'm losing my self esteem cuz I'm so caught up in their games. I want to think out the box but how can I when those 2 witches. Come to my house and I have to deal with them. I'm so depressed cuz my husband hasn't being any help either. He just thinks I'm imagining things and takes their side. Help pls
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Think that yours is bad, mine was living in slum conditions with about 30 cats who used her house as a toilet and as she is almost blind half of the time she was eating food covered in cat excerement etc.Wanting to help we brought her to our house to live the first few months she was happy as she had a hot meal on the table and clean living conditions but she has a big paranoia problem eg.the other day she wanted to cook some vegetables but she left them on the gas and they burnt needless to say that she accused me of turning up the temperature so that they would burn on purpose.I could go on with the examples but it only gets me uptight everyday there is something like that on the verge of nervous breakdown....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): my advice would be to get out now while you still have some self esteem left. Ihave been married for 16 yrs and found out 2 yrs ago that my husband related everything to his mother and sister for them to constantly slag me off behind my back with my husband joining in instead of defending me, they refer to me as if i am dirt, and my husband excepts this, things have even been said in front of my own children, they have never liked me and to be honest there is no love lost but the true hurt comes from my husband who i feel should have been there for me as i would have for him. It is at the stage now where i feel i have to check up on him to find out if anything is being said about me and this is no way to be living life, i am 40 yrs now and just want some peace and contentment in my life, i dont think it is too much to ask but i cannot see it coming while the MIL is still alive and wishing someone dead is i suppose taking things to far, but that is the stage i am at right now, the trouble is she has probably got many years in front of her yet, life can be so cruel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): mother in laws can be very hard to handle. There is no real answer for you. When she takes the spot light off of the talk about the baby just redirect the conversation back on the baby. If that doesn,t work than just kill her.
I have the worst mother in law. Want to trade?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): There is a real problem and issue when a man is not willing to listen to his wife and put her and the marriage first.
You are an amazing and strong woman to have endured such neglect from him and abuse from his mother. His famiy and him enable her to continue to be rude, mean, ugly, and abusive to you. How disappointing.
I would tell him how you feel and that you want and need counselling for the marriage; that you need support and someone who wants you both to succeed. It is clear his family; your in laws are incapable of doing this for you and your marriage.
You want happiness and you wanted it with him and from him. You deserve this. You are right to believe this.
I absolutely agree with wild thaing that you need to tell him that your marriage and your commitment to you comes first.
Stand firm. Seek counselling. You need to start thinking of you and your needs; they have been neglected for far too long.
*hugs*
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (18 July 2006):
 You have put up with this situation for longer than most. Your husband needs to understand that his mother became a relative when he married you, while you and the (future) children are his family.
My wife helped me to see this over time, and it became crystal clear after our kid was born that I had a family that took priority over all others. While I find "Everybody Loves Raymond" funny because it is over the top, I would never want his situation to be my reality. Home life has been so much more peaceful when we (as in my wife and I) decided to institute and enforce boundaries with our relatives.
I suggest that you continue to persuade your husband to re-think his priorities. If it requires an ultimatum, then so be it. He needs to develop a spine and stand up for his family, not his mother.
Good luck and take care.
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female
reader, definately1 +, writes (18 July 2006):
Oh my, this situation sounds all to familiar! My mother in law is so jealous of me and my husband's 6 and half year marriage, that it is just ridiculous!
Okay, she calls me names constantly and always puts me down when ever my husband and I argue; she has to point out my faults, no matter what the situation is. Her daughters also add to this drama by issuing threats. And once I unplugged the phone because my husband and I were arguing and she wanted to be included and she sent the police to my home saying that I was holdng him captive! When the police arrived my husband answered the door and the police told him to call his mother. But about 15 minutes later his mother showed up instead and yelled at me for unplugging my own phone! Futhermore, she pushed me and embarrassed me in fromt of my neighbors and not only did my husband not defend me he also left in the car with her when I said I was going to call the police on her! I know I am eventually going to divorce him because of her but there are children involved and I do not want to hurt them by not allowing him to come back. I am waiting for karma to take place but it is just taking sooo long. I am just fed up and considering taking out a restraining order against the mother. I couldn't hit his mother because she is 60 years old and it would be just to easy but I not sure I can refrain myself if she comes at me again. Somebody pray for me please!!! I thought the bible said that the husband is suspose to leave his family and cleave to his wife? hmmmmm.
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female
reader, Jen43 +, writes (19 May 2006):
Oh my gosh! Sounds just like my sister-in-law! A mirror image! She's a witch but I spell it with a "B!" You know that saying, "Misery loves company?" Well, it's true. My SIL is by far the most miserable person I know, and she's not happy unless she's making someone else miserable. Here's one you'll love: My mother-in-law and SIL live 20 mins. apart in CA. We live in FL. My MIL will call us long distance in FL to ask if we'll call SIL who lives a few minutes away from her to ask her a question because the SIL makes her own mother, my MIL, feel stupid. Now how sad is that? That's just too impossible for me to make up. I posted my own question on 11 January 2006, and I think the heading is "my husband says I complain." It's tagged as marriage problems, too. Please try to find it and read the EXCELLENT response I received from Irish 49. Her advice was great and my husband is now more understanding of (and more receptive to) my complaints about his family. His whole family, including him, was just used to her behaving that way, and no one has ever dared taken a stand against her. Everyone is scared to death of her. To him, it was normal. Now he knows her behavior is not only abnormally rude, it's UNACCEPTABLE! So, while I'm happy with the progress we've made, I am anxious the day will come when he will have to choose between me or his sister, and because I will be the one who complains, he might feel like I'M the one who's forcing him to choose when in fact it will be HER. I hope that day never comes, but that's like saying I hope I never die. Good luck!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): I feel for you... TRUST ME.... but you know what they say.."Kill 'em with kindness" My MIL ruined my first Thanksgiving with my husband by, in a roundabout way, having him make a choice between me and our new born daughter or her. Ended up that she invited his ex girlfriend and their child to her house too!! That was just the beginning of my hell!!!! I have no problems telling her how I feel, but I can play Sybil just as well as she!!!! Hang in there, I have been married six years and it is finally occurring to my husband what a Witch his mother really is and that she is jealous of us and our family.
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