A
male
age
36-40,
*navib
writes:Hi folks. I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and half. She's the best girlfriend I've ever had. She's above average in her looks, career, spirituality, fitness... you name it. But I've got a few concerns:1) Sex. I've had sex with 3 other women before her. She's the most attractive physically, but our sex is boring and I feel I have to pander to her. She's super self-conscious and doesn't get into it. I've had SUPER great sex with my past girlfriends. 2) Emotions/Stress. She has a demanding job. She's great at it, but her self-consciousness comes into play and she sinks into a whirlpool of self-pity and doubt and it annoys me. So I don't coddle her and she gets upset and goes to her parents and sister for help. Other times she doesn't think I'm funny and she gets this snide look on her face like I'm annoying her. I only have the best of intentions, and seeing someone look at me like that is hurtful and insulting. 3) Introvert. I'm an extrovert. I initially really liked that she was more reserved than I am, but now it's bothering me. We go out with friends and she hardly says a word. She might talk a bit, but even when I include her, she is always on the edges of the conversation. I wish she was more engaging... But other than this, she's super supportive, caring, nurturing, creative, thoughtful... she's like the perfect wife/mother. She's my best friend, we travel and explore and play together. I could see myself settling down with her for the rest of our lives... but when I get annoyed I don't want anything to do with her. I'm an attractive, successful guy, and I kind of wonder who else is out there...Thanks for listening. This sounds obvious, but it's a wonderful relationship 90% of the time.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
Wow, I think before she dumps you for being insensitive and arrogant (cause I sure as hell would) you need to end it with her as a favor to her.
I agree with all the previous posters.
Being with someone is not about a laundry list of what’s right and wrong.. if you don’t love her (and it does not sound like you do) LET HER GO find someone who LOVES her.
YOU HAVE TO PANDER to her? Seriously? Do you realize that if you love someone your entire being is about pleasing them and pandering to them as you say… YOUR needs are secondary to pleasing one you LOVE…
She has a demanding job.. what do YOU do to support her in her career? HOW DO YOU HELP HER with her demanding job? IF you are so NON-SUPPORTIVE that she has to go to her parents and siblings for support, that says a lot to me. IF my partner can’t emotionally support me, he’s OUTTA THERE…
You wish she was more engaging… well she’s not… and she won’t be… so either accept her as she is or do her a favor and leave her….
“I’m an attractive, successful guy, and I kind of wonder who else is out there..”
That alone tells me you need to end it with her….. several things…
1. You come across as thinking you are better than she is
2. You come across as thinking you are settling for her and she is not the best you can have
I'm not going to do her the disservice of telling you that you are seeing this the wrong way and trying to get you to be less arrogant and full of yourself... I'm going to do her a favor and tell you to leave her.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Hi
Sounds to me like your looking for perfection,some sort of Stepford wife. Well,your girlfriend is human,like the rest of us.She has alot of stress from work,thats how most are nowadays with the recession going on,nobody wants to lose their income.
I wonder how she would describe you and your faults,would she think your perfect or would she think you were unsupportive and a little immature,arrogant even?
You sound like you don't love her,or care enough,one of the reasons being you compare your sex life with previous partners.
Relationships are 50/50, you get out what you put in
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A
female
reader, laure  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Honestly,I don't think you really love her,maybe you're physically attracted to her or you like the fact that you have a pretty partner who can fit your so called standards,that's a bit self absorbed..because love is blind,its when you completely disregard any flaw or imperfection your partner has&making the imperfect perfect.Instead,you're poiting out all of her flaws in precisement!!Moreover,you mentioned that you bail her out whenever she overcomes an obstacle!If you barely cared about her,you would be there for her in the ups nd downs,but you claim that you love her&yet you won't be by her side whenever she needs you!That's too contradictive!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Nowhere do you say you love her. Why is that?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Markymark is spot on!!!
you do sound arrogant here weather you mean to be or not. If you expect 100% you need to give 100%. She propbablly senses your attitude towards her and is quite likely to walk soon, then you will have your chance to find this perfect icon you think you so deserve. I'm sorry but if you love her you have a funny way of showing it. May I suggest you take her out for a meal and a romantic stroll and listen to her, ask her how her day has been, let her know you ARE and CAN be there for her, you may find by being supportive and giving her a great time will open her heart to you more, and maybe just maybe the next time you make love ( I don't like the word sex sounds so clinical) she will be this amazing woman you so desire!!!
Mandy
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