A
female
age
30-35,
*majayne
writes:Hi...its little old me again with yet again more boy problems. It's not like im one of those girls that has thousands pf boys begging for her attention...all my boy problems involve the same guys!!! anyways, here is my problem.I have three fabulous friends in Scotland and i am going to see them this summer, one of which i am more than friends with, but we aren't exactly an item as we have never met, but we both agree that there is something there. We found out we both liked eachother in December and have been going steady since then. He was really adorable at first and now has this thing where he wants to prove to me that he is a jerk but holds true in the tough patches. Who does that!? he has been getting less affectionate and it's starting to hurt cause it feels like my old relationship all over again where it got to the point where insults filled the gap that the compliments left. I still like him a lot, but my mind is full of doubt and just confusion. Meanwhile back here in Canada a friend of mine in grade 10 but we have many classes together cause he's really smart and can take higher grade level classes, has been gettign really close to me. And to be honest i don't mind at all. He is really nice and sweet and he speaks french and is fabulous at music and actually likes my big baggy sweaters and the days where i look like crap he compliments me the most. Despite me being a year older than him he surpasses me in many ways...he is a very talented young individual. There is seriously nothing wrong with this guy. We went out a few times just to hang out and one night we were talking and i find out he likes me. he didnt ask me out or anything, he just kind of confessed. After a lot of tears and confusion i said alright i'll go on a date. But the next day i was freaking out too much, im not ready for a relationship like that at all yet and i was overwhelmed with guilt cause i still love the guy in Scotland. Im too scathed from my nearly 2 year long relationship with my jerky ex boyfriend. I told my friend here in Canada and he understood completely. His entire reaction i don't understand...this only happened a week or so ago. He was a little occward at first but now its like EXPLOSION OF HAPPINESS! He is still my friend and we are growing ever closer and its really nice :) I feel like i can really open up to him because we have a lot of the same things in common but a lot of different things too, which makes for some awesome discussions. He hugged me today cause i helped him conquer his nerves before doing a speech. I don't know if it was friendly or if it was more. It was one of those hugs where it lasted a little too long but the moment was over so quick u didn't have time to see if it meant something else. Dont get me wrong...the guy in scotland is really nice and thoughtful and everything when he tries. I just want to give him a chance cause ive never met him. I want to be fair and just in this. Right now i've told my friend here in Canada that i want to be friends for now and what happens happens. I'm jsut really confused. I dont want to blow it. Please Help me! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): Emma, I think you need to stop fixating as it's causing you to worry, overmuch. Dating boys is supposed to be carefree fancyfree and fun at your age, hun. And it's a selection process as to who is the right one. Honestly? I think you are taking this whole thing way too seriously. Learn to have confidence in yourself and take control of your own life. Make a decision and stick to it. Dump one and date the other...but just make a choice. It's highly likely you will date a lot more guys in the next decade before you settle down. (I hope anyways!) Just be forthright and honest with them...guys seem to appreciate that far more than a girl who can't make up her mind.Good Luck, dear
A
female
reader, Emajayne +, writes (11 April 2008):
Emajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank u for all ur advice. it has made things a little more clear than they were but as each day goes by im just less and less convinced not by them but by myself. The more i think about one the less i think i feel about them. I dont understand the human mind AT ALL! Mr. Canada and i get along great. Mr. Scotland and i get along great as well....it is just difficult when im not actually there in person and there is a lack of communication and contact. I have so much stuff going on all the time now and im just losing my thoughts everywhere. i cant even relax without having my mind trail off onto my problems.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): I do not believe, for one minute, anyone can 'fall in love' online without meeting their supposed loved one, face to face. However, online you can-- become infatuated, flattered and your ego boosted and your person complimented by someone's attentions, but you can't love or be committed to someone you have never, ever seen. I will tell you to go for the Canadian boy in your school. Because as far as the scottish bf, (a continent away), is concerned, you are merely swooning and projecting your own fantasies/dreams of romance on him. However by the way you described the Scottish Guy, he is not doing the same to you. He is not on the same page, no matter what he tells you. So let's get this perspective. When you haven't met an online bf, touched him, kissed him,hugged him, gauged his body language, etc, let's face it...finding 'love' online is a pipedream, in this case. Tell the scottish guy, you'd rather have a taste of reality and the only way you will get it, is to say a final goodbye to him and begin a great dating relationship with the canadian guy. Get out with Mr. Canada and have some good ole adolescent fun and enjoy your youthfulness and vibrancy. The guy in Scotland can't give you that meaningfulness and opportunity to build on something "real". And also remember, real life and getting to know each other's is meeting one's friend's/family/being in another's life, where a true, love can grow and that my dear....takes a long, long time. So I'm siding here, with the guy in Canada. He's a hometown boy, you can see him, touch him and he's 'reality". The guy in Scotland is just pure "fantasy"..a online relationship...a guy you have never ever really officially met. This is the thing about the internet...it really does a number on one's sense of 'reality' and it blunts a person to rational thinking. Be smart, girl and choose wisely. Good luck.
...............................
|
