A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For years I played the field. I had a couple of relationships along the way and was faithful in them.But the women wanted marriage and I did not so we parted ways.Now I am at the point i am tired of dating different women. And I became celibate because I thought that avoiding sex would kinda kill the marriage thing with women I date. Not only did it not work, I had two female friends who I never dated who both told me (about six weeks apart) that I either had to be with them in a relationship or they wanted nothing more to do with me. I did not lead them on or anything, was just a shoulder to cry on and a listener when they wanted to talk.I am not an attractive guy and I am pretty much working poor; I could not support two people on my income. Nor am I talented, intelligent, or charming.more of a geek who likes books and nature.Am I wrong in my decision to just stop spending time with women altogether?I mean I do want someone to enjoy their company, but I am not looking for sex, relationship, or marriage/kids.Just a long term companion.My associates call me weird, but what else is a guy to do when what he wants does not go with what the average woman does?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo pvtguy :
Even if I could afford a family(which at one time i could and then some) I understand how much sacrifice is needed to make all that work. And I do not see a practical reason for me to choose that course of action. Although the financial reason is a very vital factor.
To: anonymous female:
I am celibate because sex leads to complications in a relationship. But avoiding it hasnt worked either.
I do not equate companionship with marriage/family, but the majority of people in my social circle do. And I cannot even visit family without them asking me about marriage and kids even though i have made it clear its not happening.
A married woman, considered that.. but it would have to be where her husband was open to that sort of thing.
And I let women know up front what my feelings are. I am maybe too direct as some have said. But still it comes up.
Its like just because I listen and do not judge or try to make 'moves' I am seen as more than a friend even though I have stated I do not want more.
I guess I am just tired of trying and it is just easier to focus on my reading, exercising, and other solo hobbies.
then it might have to do with the fact that I live in the Bible Belt. Your suggestion about moving makes sense.
Thanks you guys.
I'll work on some things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): move to Europe! somewhere like Germany people often have relationships without marriage...but being serious:Are you celibate because you are asexual or because you don't want sex as it leads to complications in a relationship? Maybe you could consider a relationship with a married woman?I am personally having trouble with understanding how the longing for a companion always has to translate into longing for marriage and kids. I want someone to be with and not someone to have children with! So I would say you are not alone or weird in the way you want to be with someone.I am not sure if withdrawing from female contact is the best solution...you probably should be more open about your preferences upfront when talking to females. Not every woman wants to have babies and a husband!
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