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female
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anonymous
writes:So I've been out in the dating world again. Enjoying having fun. I revisit one guy as a "friend" his choice of word. We are developing into good friends, but there have been many moments of kissing and hugging and dancing in the dark and cuddling. There is also alot of conversation and having silly fun. So we're good to each other and he's always attentive.If I call or text he gets back to me. If I am at his place he is always courteous and asking me lots of questions. He also sends me pics of him doing things. But this weekend, I asked what he was up to and he said, not much staying near the home front. Asked if he wanted to get together and he said no, giving no reason, I didn't pursue it with him, but I did end the conversation short. You see he said "friends" I never said anything either way. He often touches me first, flirts first, kisses first, touches my hair alot. Always saying wonderful things to me. Like "you know we all love you around here" Always has long conversations on the phone, 15 mins. plus. But now, I don't know if I'm in the friend zone or what.It's confusing and I'm done with hot and cold because of my last RS being a real stinker. Do I just put this on ice and see if he breaks through or do I ask him if his idea of "friends" means physical intimacy.I like him, I like him huge. I think he's tops in my book, I let him know that too. I can like him at distance too, but I'm not into A) pursuing a man ever again, that was hellB) spending too much time on someone else's fenceHowever at this time, I'm still dating other men, he knows this, we discuss them sometimes. So I can sit on my fence for the time being. But lately I just sometimes want to reach out and say "I don't really want to date other men, but you've not stated your claim and I don't want to find myself hanging over the kitchen sink washing my heart out again"
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJuly 8, 2012Update on me and my friend. First fight. We were having a glorious weekend, he was helping me fix up my new place. Always so helpful, I so appreciate him and tell him always. Made him dinner we went to a concert again, glorious, fun time. Rocking out and after the concert I lost him in the crowd. Anyways, I make it slowly back to the car, my feet were killing me from standing all night in high heels. I was texting him all the way there. But no repsonse. I get to the car he is there, I say "I've been texting you" He said "My phone is in the car, which is locked" - "I let him in and he is quiet, not being a him and than he says "I have alot of things to do tomorrow, have to get home early" Now this suddenly hit home for me and I am feeling my party slipping away and I blurt "Oh, that's great, sure, home, lets just suck the party right out of me with a reality check at 1am, I'll take you home now, whenever, I've heard this all before, I really don't care anymore what you guys think, do, how you spend your time, but when it comes down to ending a date graciously you suck"Well, that started him off in something I've never seen before, he was mad as hell, his voice was loud as hell. "You really now how to push it! I'm seeing the same shit now, different cloths" - "Why can't you stop, just now when to stop, but no you keep pushing it" - "Ok, you've got me scared now, I've not seen this side of you. Push what, I'm telling you I'm pissed off because you're changing the direction of the night into something that I was not prepared for, you're calling it for some reason and I don't know why" - "Maybe it's because you just screwed off at the concert, where were you, picking up other guys?" - "No, I texted you a hundred times, telling you I'm going to the car and that my feet hurt and it will take time. Where is your phone read them!" The fight continues with him telling me he's seen it all before than I interject with OK I see what's going on here. You hit a soft spot with me because of my past and I hit one with you because of you past. I'll tell you know I understand and I'm sorry, I should have not let the past in on US. But it's here now I think we should talk about it. He says "No, don't keep pushing it" So I don't tired need sleep so we stop and he relaxes to the point he starts singing and being his cozy self again, I on the other hand am a little mystified but settle in with our regular get along way and have a great "rest of the night" Today again we have a comfortable day. Then I ask him "So, we're good right, friends, we know what's going down, what happened, the phsycology of it all?"He says "Actually no, I'm disappointed, I need to think about it" - "Well, I good if you need to know, but if you need to think, you need to think, I'll never stop anyone from doing what they need to do" I drove him home and he kissed me once on the cheek and got his things and I didn't even get a hug. I look at him and say "I'm not even going to ask" It was sullen, like an ending, like a see ya 'round, but I have to let him go do his thing, I have to do many things also, I'll miss him, already do. But I can move along, it's my nature. I'll not be waiting for his call his text his email. Life is fast, but I will miss him. ALOT... sigh..
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reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 That is really really cool, I'm happy for you! Thanks for the update. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so I went there. We were doing our regular friendship thing and I sat down and looked up at him and than he sat down. As if he knew I had something to say. "So, friend 'O mine, dearest one. you did not kiss me last visit though the hug was delicious, what's up with the mixed messages""Well, I was getting them from you, don't want to interfere with you being you, but I don't want to take this to another level while you are dating other men, sorry, it's just a guy thing" And there you have it folks, you were right, I had no idea, because he was a friend, that he was thinking this way. I'm used to dating men who have few good intentions and few good qualities, but there it was and I was feeling quite guilty. I was keeping it in the friend zone because I thought he was. I guess I was more honest here online than I was with him. I told him I wake up and he is the first thing on my mind. He smiled. I guess what I am saying is I'm not used to such good treatment. He's just the best in my books and as a person also. So positive always willing to help and to give. I'm so not used to this. Anyways, it did clear the air and the night went ahead in its usual wonderful way, dancing, singing, he loves to sing. And jokes and hacking around like teenagers. I did stay the night, no sex. I said no, not yet, not right for me yet. He was good with it.Just laughing and hugging until we fell asleep. We had a good talk, he asked some serious questions. I was pleased. He was relieved, all is well. While we were dancing he says to me “I’ve been through a lot, but you’ve changed me in big ways” I was speechless. He was ok with that too.Thanks to everyone for getting me through some scary trust issues and scary in your face interactions. I was brave, he was brave we made it through.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're so right, why am I afraid to get answers?
Probably because I'm afraid of the rejection and than on the other hand it may be good news. But yes, I'll put it calmly to him, I don't want to pine for someone who has only an ort of interest. I've sadly done that recently with my past RS. Oh, to think I maybe repeating my old habits. I've worked on this for months. I will practice some of my new rules.
I'll let you know how it went. Seeing him tomorrow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): I just want go add that we need sometimes to take initiative into our hands and speak up our minds to men.
You are letting us know that u want someone full time, how about let him know?
He is playing little games, when kissing involved it's not friendship anymore, it leads to other intimate things. You don't kiss your friends on a lips with a tong!
If he is not that into you he will let you know as soon as u tell him about your intentions.
I ve been with a man like that who wanted to be "in touch". I liked him a lot, but all he wanted to do, is to hookup once a month. I got fed up one day, and told him that I expected more from this, and keeping in touch is not what I need. And he calmly told me that that's not what he wants, and we went our separate ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, you're right, I'll stop talking about other men. My bad.
I'll let it grow naturally and see what happens, I'll continue to date others just in case as he said Just Friends, I'm looking for full time company and one who is looking for the same. But it must fit, as this does. Damned. frustrating.. oh well, if it is meant to be then voilla, it will be. I can't continue to confuse the issue with my ramblings. I'll just continue as I do and hold onto my bliss. Tks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): I don't know how I feel about u telling him about dating other men. I wouldn't do it. Men are fragile, they have big egos, he might stay away from u because of that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what you're saying is I'm in the Love Zone?
Yet, he says he's happy with the Friend Zone.
I'm confused. I don't know now whether to kiss him or pat his back. I'll leave it in his court for now. Busy anyways.
If he calls I'll talk but if he leaves it for a week or two and just wants to talk without meeting up. I'm not asking again and I'll be thinking about hanging up my hat of hopes, because too cold is just... well too cold. And I've already invested some of my pain and passion. I could not do this again. And then, maybe I keep bumping into the same man different package. All in all, I'm in the wings, waiting to fly, but it sucks ya know, being grounded.
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reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (15 June 2012):
Reading your post brought back such fond memories for me, because that is exactly how the relationship between me and my husband started out :=) To me, that is the most wonderful way to develop a solid relationship, because you really get to know the person on a friendship level, before all the hot and heavy romance starts. There are times he is going to want his space, for some man time.....as I am sure that there are times you will want your space, as well. When this happens, don't read too much into it. Just relax, be patient, and enjoy the friendship, as it develops into something wonderful. Whatever you do, DO NOT become "friends with benefits". Don't have sex with him until you are in a committed relationship. If you do, it will only further confuse you and cause you a lot of unnecessary heartache.Kissing, cuddling, and hugging are perfectly fine, though. :=)
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