A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I screwed things up a bit. I met a guy online, we had definite chemistry even before we met (which doesn’t usually happen, to me at least). The first date was at an outdoor concert in the rain, and it was a little awkward. Afterwards, I wasn’t too enthusiastic. But it was clear he was into me, and wanted to see me again, so I decide to go for it. We didn’t end up seeing each other for about two weeks since he has a pretty busy schedule and doesn’t seem to like to make plans in advance. We did have several texting “conversations” in which there was quite a bit of flirting. Twice, he invited me to come for drinks that night, which I didn’t take him up on since I had just started a new job. I end up meeting up with him after a kickball game for drinks, and as it turns out, he brought me out with some friends. On our walk to the bar, we kiss, and kiss again, and again, and, well, again. But I wasn’t too thrilled about meeting up with his kickball friends. I think he realized this wasn’t the best situation, and invites me to meet for drinks the next night, or, possibly, to come to an event that weekend. (I had family in town, so couldn’t do either.) It basically came across that I was blowing him off/sending mixed messages. I understand that.Jump to this week. I ask him if he’d like to do something. He says he’ll let me know because he’s busy with work. He doesn’t, and I follow up after a few days (because at this point I know I’m at fault a bit). He says something along the lines of “I’m not a bad guy, just been busy,” The same thing happens Friday. There’s also some flirting. Fast forward a bit, I’ve sent him an ultimatum that I don’t think I’m interested in how things are playing out, because it’s clear he’s not interested in seeing me. Again, he says he's been busy. So, I figure this is the end of things. Two days after my ultimatum, I get a text from him. Apparently he’s sprained his wrist in a kickball game, is in a lot of pain, and was hoping I could come give a hand getting home (he had his bike and kickball stuff). I was out of the city then, so unfortunately couldn’t help out. But why would he even think to ask me? He’s incredibly outgoing and is friends with a lot of people in his kickball league! He could’ve easily gotten help from somebody else.I’m not sure what I’m asking exactly. Has anybody had an experience where a relationship began incredibly slowly—rarely seeing each other—but eventually worked out? I'm afraid I'm reading too much into his being busy at work.
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at work, flirt, mixed messages, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Hey...Im so happy for you!! I had a feeling this wud be ok. I think he sounds nice...have fun on your date!
Good luck!!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to give an update to this question!
As it turns out, he really was busy at work. He's traveling every weekend in September.
I decided to wait a week to call him since I knew he'd be away. But, he ended up calling me while he was on a business trip. And we're going out for drinks this week!
Thanks for your advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Yay for follow-ups!! I'm so glad I could be of help!! Actually you DID say no one too many times. Maybe he's busy, maybe he's playing hard to get...forget all this. Dont over-analyze. Dont get into something being so cynical. Im not saying this has to be THE relationship of your life, but this is the good phase...you know, the getting to know each other, the flirting, the phone calls...this is supposed to be fun!Call him casually and ask him how he's doing, maybe you could suggest meeting up somewhere...see where it goes from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous: Thank you for the positive encouragement! That’s a great story! I have a feeling I said no one too many times, and now he's no longer interested and we’re pretty much doing the reverse. Haha. I guess I’ll see how things work out. I hope you're right about that strange "I need a hand" text.
To ask oldersister: There were two weekends when I unfortunately wasn’t around (visiting family) when he invited me in advance to an event or a bbq with friends. In fact, at that point, he seemed to want to jump right into things and I was almost a little overwhelmed. Things definitely changed after we met up the second time, he asked me out for the next evening, and I said I couldn’t (though followed up with "next week"). A definite shift. Also a shift on my part, I suddenly decided I was interested in him! Maybe I said no one too many times. Also, he did just start working again—his work revolves around the fall sports season, so he probably is pretty busy. Oh well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): You want to talk about slow? It took my boyfriend 10 yrs to ask me out lol!!! Seriously. We met in high school,everyone knew that he was insanely in love with me but he just couldn't say it, we were in the same college, but again nothing...i moved away from home for higher studies, and last year he managed to get my phone number from someone and finally asked me out!! Talk about slow!! :)
Anyway, so you did mess up a bit. But the fact that this guy asked you to help him out clearly means he doesnt want to let go of you. Thats not rocket science!! He could have any of his other friends or anyone else if he wanted to, but this was an excuse to see more of you, without coming across as too needy or awkward. I mean come on, the guy has a bruised ego. You turned him down quite a few times...whats he supposed to do?? He played the hard-to-get card, the "im busy" card, and when you gave him the ultimatum, he came up with this now.
This might be the beginning of a wonderful relationship.I like the feel of things here!! Talk to him, have a good laugh about the comedy of errors and Go For It!!
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