A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last September I had two roommates move in. Things have been great except that one of the roommates there was an instant connection. We both would anticipate each other coming home. Know this because he told me so. We hooked up once after a night of drinking, not in a sexual way. But, I was confused and wasn't sure of how to handle the situation. We went for a walk to talk about what happened and I told him I would hurt him if we went further. I only told him that because I was afraid he would hurt me. He is the type of guy that needs someone. relation after relation. ( his past speaks for itself) and I didn't wan't to be the rebound. He asked me to go upstairs in his room and I didn't. Because I was afraid and confused. Needed time to recollect. Next day I tried talking to him and he wouldn't talk to me. But, 2 days later he did bring a girl over; who ended up being his gf for 6 months. Maybe to spite me?? I got over it and dealt and tried moving on. But, the other night he kissed me and tried multiple times. We have tried and through previous conversations decided we would be better as friends/roommates because we don't want to make our living situations awkward. I don't know what to make of the situation because I have never met anyone like him. I adore him. But, have closed off my feelings for him and he spoke to my friend about me, trying to prod info from her. Which angered me because she didnt know much. I wish we never hooked up because now there is a constant wall and awkwardness. We say we will be friends/roommates but it will never be the same as it was before it all started. I don't know if he is trying to keep his feelings walled up or if he is serious when he says it is best to be friends/roommates. We get each other. He has some phobias and issues and I know he has been in so much pain and all I want to do is alleviate that pain and suffering. But, I know that I cannot go beyond my boundaries as I cannot be hurt anymore. But through some drunken rammerings he brings up stuff that i didnt mean. But., maybe i sabotaged it trying to protect myself. What do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You, I agree with actions speak louder than words. And I will. It's been a roller coaster. But, I will get over it. And appreciate the words of wisdom. Thank You Again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. That means alot.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 July 2012):
 Hi
I definitely do not think you sabotaged anything. And if he gets a little bitter and twisted when he has had a few drinks and brings up stuff you did not mean then you have not even seen the half of his mean side yet.
He is used to getting the girl. You held your ground as you were not ready. And he now sees you as a mountain to climb, even if he is not interested in a long term relationship you ARE a challenge and what guy does not like a challenge?
That he could move on so quickly says so much. Yes, I have no doubt that six month relationship was to give you a message, "see, I can get any girl I want, when I want." But his little game did not work.
You may even understand him a little too well. That can be a problem for some guys. Especially if they are serial Players. What Player wants to be found out even before he starts to play up?
You don't have to save him, that is not a good basis for a relationship either.
IF he is really still interested then let him do the running. Let him show that he can respect and wait for you until you are ready. You have nothing to lose by standing your ground.
However I would also suggest that you do schedule interesting activities, visits to other places, and some socializing and some dating where it is possible.
Time will tell, i think, that he is not the one for you. You did everything right by standing your ground. If you had given in then I think your current position would be more fragile and unhappy than now, with him.
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